


Going the Distance

by AubreyEtta



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Epistolary, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Slow Burn, lots of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-20 11:01:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 31,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16554527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AubreyEtta/pseuds/AubreyEtta
Summary: Castiel stumbles into a bar and meets Dean, the bartender.





	1. Castiel Walks into a Bar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much love to NadiaHart for the Art. It is fantastic!
> 
> Thanks HB (madeofspace)!You're the best beta and BFF around!

 

“He's going the distance.  
He's going for speed.  
He’s all alone  
In his time of need.  
Because he's racing and pacing and plotting the course,  
He's fighting and biting and riding on his horse,  
He's going the distance.”  
~Cake

 

Chapter 1: Castiel Walks into a Bar (September 26-27)

Castiel scoffed down at the white lace overlays on the table that was much too formal for a supposed informal engagement party brunch. He was sitting in a large ballroom at the Hampton Inn and Suites in Wichita, Kansas,currently trying to ignore the pair of blue-haired spinster aunts hounding him about when he was going to take the plunge into matrimony.

Castiel loathed engagement parties. He was reclusive by nature. In the past, he’d offer his congratulations in the form of a hastily chosen and mailed Hallmark card. He couldn’t get out of this engagement party through a pithy greeting card though. He was in the wedding party. He had to attend, smile, be congratulated, and awkwardly correct people who couldn’t be bothered to realize that he wasn’t his brother. Even though he and his twin brother were identical, Jimmy had a beard and long hair and Castiel did not.

Castiel slouched in his chair as his mother walked up. He knew better than to think she was coming to rescue him from the clutches of his great aunts. She didn’t even address him, instead looking at the aunts down her perfectly sculpted, and expensive nose and saying, “Did you know that Castiel is a homosexual?”

The aunts, affronted, stood and stormed off with a huff.

Castiel looked at his mother, horrified expression on his face. “Mother!” he exclaimed, embarrassed.

“Now, now Castiel. Being a gay is nothing to be ashamed of,” she said snootily.

“Yeah, now,” Castiel murmured under his breath. She didn’t hear his comment and continued on her diatribe. Castiel rolled his eyes and started going over his work deadlines in his head to tune his mother out. Fifteen years ago when he jumped out of the closet, he was disowned by his parents and his inheritance was ripped away in an attempt to bring Castiel back under their thumbs.

Now, on the rare occasions that he saw his parents, his mother tried to set him up because suddenly having a gay son was cosmopolitan.

“You know the Petersburg boy from down the street is also a gay. His father is well respected in the insurance business, and Charles says he is to start training to take over at the office as soon as he finishes at University. I could set you up. Castiel? Are you paying attention to me? Castiel?”

Shit. His mind had wandered. “Apologies, mother. What was it you said?”

“Charles Petersburg’s son is a gay. I will give him your card.”

Castiel remembered Charles Petersburg. He was snooty, bigoted, and he could imagine that this son had never had to work a day in his life. He was also only twenty. He was three when Castiel left for college, for fucks sake! “No Mother. I live in California. The distance would be too difficult.” There, that should appease her and he was still respectful. Castiel knew that his mother would only be supportive of his sexuality if the person was of the right breeding. However, Castiel simply wanted a partner that was loyal and made him laugh. Looking good in a pair of jeans wouldn’t hurt any either.

“Well you know the gays have come a long way,” she started. “I just want you to be happy with the right sort. How’s Balthazar? Are you guys going to get back together?”

Castiel toned his mother’s skewed tirade on gay rights and his ex-boyfriend from seven years ago out. He sighed, caught his brother’s eye across the room and mouthed the word, help!

He saw Jimmy laugh and whisper something to Amelia who nodded and winked at Castiel. He watched as his brother sauntered over avoiding some of the more boisterous well-wishers.

“Mother, I need to borrow the best man,” he said jovially. Jimmy had always been the charismatic one of the duo.

“Of course, James. I’ll just go discuss wedding plans with Amelia,” she said as she stood and kissed Jimmy on the cheek and walked away, completely ignoring Castiel.

Castiel stood and they walked outside into the foyer of the hotel. “Mother trying to set you up again?”

“Of course. Charles Petersburg's son this time. Mother didn’t even know his name.”

“Fuck, Cassie. Petersburg’s plain awful. And his son is still practically a child!”

“I know! I refused, but mother is still going to give him my info. I just know she will.”

“I’ll make sure she gets the card with the misprint on it. But, bro, you do need to settle down. She’ll lay off if you’re with someone.”

“With someone she approves of,” Castiel amended. “She still asks about Balthazar on the rare occasion we talk. Asking if he’ll take me back. Can you believe it? Him take ME back?” Castiel’s laugh was menacing. Balthazar was someone his mother had approved of and that had worked out terribly.

“Don’t worry about mother. You have to do what is best for you. She hates Amelia, you know that right? So, Amelia refused to have the wedding anywhere but in a wheat field in Kansas just to fuck with her. And you know what we’re going to do? Set up a giant motherfucking tent in the middle of a wheat field. I don’t care, as long as that woman becomes my wife. Mother is having kittens about not having a society church wedding. And don’t get me started about Father. He’s been upstairs on the phone with his associate Pastor. He left ten minutes into brunch.”

“Father didn’t even look at me,” Castiel laughed bitterly but then sighed. “Thanks brother, but I think I am destined to a life of solitude.”

“There’s someone out there for everyone. Just gotta get out of the Redwoods and put yourself out there,” Jimmy said sagely with a quick one-armed hug.

“Mother has put me in a mood. I’m sorry if I’m ruining your party. I really am happy for you and Amelia,” Castiel whispered into the hug.

“You couldn't ruin this party if you tried. Can I tell you something?”

“Anything. Is everything alright?”

“Everything is fine. More than fine. Mind-bogglingly great, even. She’s pregnant, Cassie.”

“What? That’s wonderful news. You’ll pass on my congratulations to Amelia? She’s with mother now, and I’m going to be a coward.”

“Of course. You’re the first to know. Don’t tell mother. She’s going to faint when Ames and I tell her that the wedding is in eighteen months.”

“Baby out of wedlock. Shame on you,” Castiel teased. “Really, I am happy for you. You’re going to be a wonderful father.”

“Thanks. It means a lot for me to hear you say that. You are going to rock as an uncle too,” Jimmy smiled. “Hey, why don’t you cut out. You don't need to be here. See the sights. Go out and count grain silos. Be one with the wheat. You’re here for a few more days, right?”

“Yeah, flight is on Monday at nine in the morning.”

“I’ll make sure you get there in time to get through security. Dinner tomorrow night without Mother, I swear! They leave tomorrow morning, and not a moment too soon.”

“Agreed,” Castiel said. “You’re sure you don’t mind if I take off? It is stifling in there, but I’ll stay if you need me to.”

“It’s cool, Bro,” Jimmy replied.

They hugged again, and Castiel slipped out if the ballroom

Luck was on his side, because Castiel made his way through lobby of the hotel without drawing attention. He made it to his boring silver rental car without being noticed. He got in and started the vehicle. Not paying attention to where he was going, he headed north on the highway. As he drove, Castiel examined his life thus far.

His professional life was perfect. He loved what he did, his job was flexible, and he could work from home most of the time. Most importantly, he was independent of his parents and their money.

Unfortunately, it was his private life that sucked.

Although Castiel claimed that he was fine and suited to a life of solitude, it wasn’t what he longed for. He was definitely lonely. He wanted to share his life with someone. Have a family. Have silly inside jokes that he understood with someone. Castiel, as much as he was a cynic on the outside, was really a romantic at heart.

He wasn’t too proud to admit his jealousy of his brother. He wanted that.

He sighed and told himself, “Sometimes you just don’t get what you want.”

Maybe he’d get a cat. Or two. Or a billion. He'll drown himself in cats just to stave off the loneliness.

Castiel looked at the clock in the car and noticed that it was late into the afternoon. He’d been driving aimlessly north for three hours. His stomach rumbled as he passed the sign that announced the exit for Lebanon, Kansas approaching in one mile.

“As good a place as any to stop and turn around,” Castiel whispered to himself.

Castiel was wrong. As he drove down the main street of Lebanon, that consisted of a grain and feed co-op, a Gas-N-Sip, a bar, a sketchy Chinese restaurant, and not one but two liquor stores, Castiel regretted the detour.

He intended to hit the Gas-N-Sip for a PowerBar and cup of burned gas station coffee and head back to Wichita. However, as he was turning around in the parking lot behind the bar, a shiny black classic Chevy sat like a beacon and Castiel decided he may stop in for a drink. It was only four o’clock, but after the day he’d had, fuck being socially acceptable.

Castiel parked next the beautiful behemoth of a car, and admired the restoration as he got out of his boring rental car. He walked around the brick faced building and looked at the sign. It read:

Lucky Joe’s  
e. 1968

Castiel shrugged at the Irish pub style bar in a miniscule Kansan town, and made his way into the dimly lit interior. He was surprised, though he shouldn’t have been, that the bar was fairly busy for being the afternoon. Castiel looked around, saw a tidy dark oak bar, lined with stools, and glasses dangling over the gleaming surface, with an old fashioned cash register at one end. Strangely, there was a crystal cake stand next to the register that held a delicious looking bundt cake. It wasn’t at all what Castiel was expecting when he entered the place.

“Welcome to Lucky Joe’s,” someone called from behind the bar, and as if the man read Castiel’s mind he added, “The restroom is in the back corner.”

Castiel waved his thanks and headed for the restroom. Inside was a lot cleaner than he had anticipated, and he took his time doing his business and cleaning up.

He loosened his tie as he made his way back toward the bar and perched on a particularly noisy red pleather stool.

The bartender had the audacity to chuckle at him and asked, “What can I getcha?”

“Jameson. Two fingers. Neat. Thank you,” Castiel said perfunctorily but he added quickly, “Twelve year, if you have it.”

“Of course we have it. This place is classy,” the bartender replied with a saucy grin.

Castiel’s mouth went dry as he watched the dark t-shirt the man wore ride up as he reached to the top shelf, and a sliver of creamy abdominal muscle became visible. All too soon, the bartender plunked the bottle down on the counter and grabbed a rocks glass. Castiel watched as he poured the appropriate amount of whiskey in the glass and added a splash extra. “Not from around here,” the bartender observed as he slid the drink across the glossy bar top.

“What gave me away?” Castiel smiled as he picked up the drink and downed it in one go.

The bartender simply waved a hand in his direction as if to say, all of you, and asked, “Another?”

“Sure,” Castiel said with a smile. “I just came from my brother’s engagement party. I’m not usually so formal.”

“In Lebanon? I’d have heard if someone was getting hitched. Hell, Joe’s probably would’ve hosted the reception, engagement party and maybe even the wedding,” the bartender laughed.

“In Wichita. I had to escape, and well, here I am,” Castiel explained.

The bartender nodded and turned to take an order from an older patron. He watched as the bartender smiled and joked with the obvious regular, then again as he bent down to grab a beer, then a slice of cake, which he plopped on top of a cocktail napkin. When the man attempted to slide a folded bill across the bar, the bartender slid it right back with a stern, “Your money’s no good here, Bobby.” Castiel smiled when the old man grumbled.

The bartender turned his back to grab something behind him and the older man took his money and shoved it deep into the tip jar. Castiel chuckled quietly and the gruff man looked at him and held a finger to his lips in the universal way of saying, don't say a word. Castiel nodded discreetly at him. The man nodded back, took his beer and cake, sat on the plaid worn sofa facing a large television in the corner and began flipping through the satellite TV options.

Castiel picked up his second drink and sipped it. He watched out of the corner of his eye as the bartender picked up a towel and lazily wiped across the already gleaming wood. Castiel couldn’t help but notice how striking the bartender was. He was broad shouldered, and trim. Strong jaw, and saucy wide smile. His green eyes held a glint of mischief, and the freckles across the bridge of his nose were positively sinful.

As Castiel was admiring the bartender, he returned. “Need another drink?” he asked.

Castiel’s drink was half-full so he drained it and said, “Sure. After, I need to see to finding dinner. Can you suggest anything close by? If you tell me that Chinese restaurant is good, I won’t believe you.”

“Oh, Al’s hasn’t been a Chinese joint in a while. This month he’s been experimenting with Indian. It’s still not great, truthfully, but it’s always an adventure.”

“An adventure in food poisoning,” Castiel mumbled.

The bartender barked out a laugh. “That’s for sure. I can make ya something here, though.” He leaned on the bar and locked eyes with Castiel. His voice lowered, as if he was telling Castiel a secret. “Do ya trust me?” His green eyes twinkled. Fucking twinkled.

Castiel’s breath caught at the look in the bartender’s eye, his mouth went dry and he was only capable of nodding.

The bartender barked out a deep laugh that made Castiel’s cheeks heat up. “Any allergies?” he asked and Castiel shook his head. “Excellent!”

Castiel’s brain caught up to him. He actually did have food allergies. “Wait,” he called out. “I’m allergic to melon. That includes cucumbers.”

“Gotcha, dude,” the bartender said with a grin as he turned, giving Castiel a rather pleasant view of his tight rear end wrapped in faded Wrangler jeans, and pushed through the swinging door into the backroom.

Castiel took stock of the day as he sipped his third drink quietly. Sure, the bartender was extremely attractive, but Castiel was an educated man that was perfectly capable of holding a conversation. However, twice the bartender had managed to dazzle him speechless. He must be a wizard, he joked to himself.

The bell above the door jingled and a petite redhead breezed in and pushed her way into the back. When she came out, she sat right beside Castiel.

“I’m Charlie,” she said bluntly.

“Castiel,” he said as looked over at the woman. He couldn’t help but chuckle at the ‘Choose your Captain!’ complete with 8-bit renderings of five individuals emblazoned across her bright red t-shirt.

“I see you’re checking out my tits,” she teased. “But your answer may influence our entire relationship.”

“Archer will always be my Captain,” he answered. “And, you’re not my type.”

“Why Archer?” she asked.

Castiel shrugged, wary. He may be well on his way to being completely inebriated, but it seemed that the people in this place were very friendly.

“Well, whatever your reason, I’m impressed you had an answer. A wrong answer, but still an answer,” she said with a grin. “And you’re not my type either.”

Just then the bartender emerged from the back room carrying two plates. He grinned at Castiel, but when he saw Charlie sitting next to him, he barked, “Charlie, get to work!”

She laughed, and punched Castiel in the arm. “See ya around, Chief,” she said as she moved away and sat on the couch next to the old man.

The bartender came around, perched in her vacated spot, and placed two plates on the bar, one in front of him. The cheeseburger and hand cut fries staring back at him smelled of heaven.

“Need ketchup or anything?” the bartender asked as he put the second plate in front of himself.

“No, thank you,” Castiel said. “However, if we’re to have dinner together, I would like to know your name.”

The bartender chuckled and dropped the french fry he was holding. “You’re right. Dean Winchester,” he said as he held out his hand. “And you are?”

“Castiel Novak. This looks great,” he said.

They ate mainly in silence. Dean getting up a few times to refill drinks or grab beers when Charlie was busy with another table or customer.

Castiel was just finishing up when another two fingers of Jameson was pushed in front of him. “Thanks, Dean,” he said with a smile. He picked up the drink and washed down the remaining bite of cheeseburger with it. “That was delicious. How ‘bout a slice of that cake? What is it?”

“It’s a lemon pound cake, but I’ve got something better. Promise,” Dean answered with a grin.

“I’m sure you do,” Castiel flirted and grinned as two bright patches appeared on Dean’s handsome face. He laughed quietly, and whispered, “I’m going to head to--” as he motioned toward the restroom.

Dean nodded, rubbed the back of his neck, and smiled.

Castiel stood and surprisingly only swayed slightly. He made his way back to the restroom to wash his hands.

His plate was cleared away when he returned. In its place was a piece of apple pie, topped with a hearty scoop of vanilla ice cream, and another drink. Charlie was just coming over to chat, when from the back room Dean yelled, “Charlie! Quit annoying the patrons and get back to work!”

“Fucker has ESP, I swear,” she muttered as she moved to a table of men that had just arrived.

Dean emerged from the back room, pony keg slung over his shoulder. Castiel took a moment to admire the rippling biceps that peeked out of Dean’s snug black t-shirt. Dean grinned at Castiel. His green eyes darkened when he watched Castiel take the first bite of pie. Castiel moaned around the fork and took a much larger bite. Much too soon, the pie was devoured and he absently flicked his tongue to gather the last bit of ice cream off his spoon.

“Sweetheart, the way you're eating that is positively sinful,” Dean said with a flirty wink before he crouched to hook up the keg to the tap.

Castiel sputtered and felt his cheeks heat at the flirtation, and went to move. “I think I need some air,” he slurred.

“Woah, where do you think you’re goin’?” Dean asked as he slipped an arm around Castiel’s shoulders.

“How’d you get there?” Castiel asked. Okay, so maybe he was drunker than he’d thought. “You a wizard of somefink? You did dazzle me twice. Fucking twinkling eyes.” Castiel’s voice trailed off.

“You caught me. I went to Hogwarts,” Dean deadpanned.

“Knew it. I bet you’ra Hufflepuff. They’re very underrated, hufflepugf-hufflefugf- whatever. I totally would’ve been a Ravenclaw. I studied too hard and played too little tryin’ to impress Mummy and Daddy,” he said with a snooty over-exaggerated accent and then dissolved into giggles. “Pond rhymes with wand. Do I get to see your wand?”

“Not tonight you don’t. And where’d you come up with pond?”

“Penis joke,” Castiel said before he dissolved into hysterical giggling.

“Nobody likes it when you over-explain a joke, Cas.” Dean steered Castiel toward the door, and turned to call out, “I’m going to call Jody to take him somewhere for the night, Charlie. I’ll be back shortly.”

“Sure thing, boss!”

“Come on, Chuckles,” Dean said as he steered him outside and pulled out his cell phone. He pressed a few buttons and held it up to his ear. Castiel slid so he was sitting on the pavement. “Hey, Jody. Yeah. Garth’s cab is out of commission this week. Yeah, he’s going to work at the bar in exchange of repairs. Yeah. I have someone here that needs a motel, and I can’t leave, Charlie’s alone. Thanks! You’re a lifesaver. I’m going to sit with him until you get here.”

“Hey, Cas?” he heard Dean say as he kneeled in front of him. “Want to come sit in my car while we wait for your ride?”

Castiel stood and the world tilted on its axis. He shot a hand out and grabbed Dean’s arm to steady himself. “I don’t fuck on the first whatever this is, jus’ so ya know.”

“Noted,” Dean responded.

“No matter how wonderfully he laughs, or how sexy his shoulders are,” Castiel continued.

“I swear I am not going to take advantage of you. Though you did ask to see my ‘wand’ not too long ago. I’m just getting you off the dirty pavement. Cross my heart,” Dean said as he crossed his heart with his finger. “Now, up you get.”

Castiel slid into the passenger seat of the big black Chevy he had admired earlier. “Of course this is his car,” he said to himself and muttered something about sex on wheels.

Dean laughed. “No pukin’ in my baby,” Dean warned.

“Promise,” Castiel said. “Cross my heart.” And he dissolved into giggles again. He leaned his head back on the headrest, closed his eyes and sighed.

A few minutes later Castiel heard a car pull up. “Hey Jody,” he heard Dean say and Castiel cracked his eyes open.

“Cas?” Dean said as he crouched down. “Your ride is here.”

“My name is Cass-el. Casteeel. Fuck it. My name is Cas. You’ve got pretty eyes,” he said as he slumped down into the comfortable soft leather of the Impala.

“Likewise,” Dean said. “And equally sexy shoulders.”

Castiel smiled and put his hands out. Dean took them and pulled him out of the car, placed his arm around his waist and helped him over and into Jody’s cruiser.

“Didya call the cops, Dean?”

“Jody is the sheriff, so technically yes. She’s just going to get you to somewhere safe. And, I promise that is not jail.”

“Alright, thank you,” he said and kissed Dean’s cheek, as he helped him with his seat belt.

He heard Dean talking to Jody. “I already texted Jo about it and room 6 is available and open. I’ll take care of it.”

Castiel smiled like a dope when Dean leaned back to address him. “Thanks for coming in today, Cas. It’s been real exciting.”

“Thank you, Dean,” he whispered as he felt the other man squeeze his shoulder in response.

Dean closed the door tightly and stepped away. It only felt like a moment before he was being helped inside a small but, immaculately clean motel room. He landed face down on top of the turned down comforter.

The next day, Castiel woke with a crick in his neck and the taste of death in his mouth. He rolled over and took in his surroundings. It took him a moment of wool gathering to halfway remember yesterday. He was mortified by what memories surfaced.

His head was pounding, so he decided to get up and find coffee.

He took note of the room number as he left and made his way to the front office. A pregnant, pretty blonde was sitting at the desk reading a battered Harlequin romance novel.

“Excuse me?” he asked timidly.

“Oh hey! You must be Castiel,” she said as she put down the novel. “Dean told me to treat ya right! What can I help you with?”

“I am,” Castiel said with a nervous smile. “Good book?”

“They’re real trashy but I can’t resist,” she said flippantly. “I’m Jo. You feel okay? I heard you just about polished off a bottle of Joe’s best by yourself last night.”

“I am so embarrassed. I have not been that inebriated since college.”

She waved him off. “We’ve all been there. Coffee is over there, along with a muffin if ya like. Dean made ‘em so they’ll be awesome. He dropped them off not too long ago. I’m sorry you missed him. I’ll grab you a toothbrush and toothpaste. Oh, and I bet you would do just about anything for some Advil. Just a sec.”

“Thank you. Dean bakes?” he asked as he made his way over to the coffee machine. He grabbed a blueberry muffin, which was still slightly warm.

Jo laughed. “Dean’s a stress baker. When he can't sleep, which is often, he bakes,” she answered. “No complaints from me though, his baked goods are to die for.”

“Huh,” he said eloquently as he returned to the desk. “Could I take care of my bill too, please? I’m going to go back to the room, but I should be out of there in half an hour. I’ve got to get back to Wichita.”

“Room’s yours for however long you need it. It’s not like people are banging down the doors for a place to stay. As for the bill, it has been taken care of. So, take your time!” she said kindly as she pushed a paper cup with a few small brown pills toward him. “Oh! Wait! Dean left a note!” she slid a folded napkin across the desk and he eagerly snatched it up.

He quickly unfolded it. In surprisingly neat script, it read:

 

> Cas,
> 
> I hope you’re feeling okay this morning. I’ll be at Joe’s this evening doing inventory, if you’re still around. I'll make you dinner again. If not, I get it. Anyway, don’t worry about anything. It is all taken care of. I’m glad to have met you, though.
> 
> Dean

Castiel smiled at the message and pulled out his wallet to try to pay Jo, but she refused to take anything. So, after placing the note carefully in his wallet, he gathered his coffee, muffin, headache medicine, toothbrush and toothpaste and went back to his room.

He hopped in the shower and with a clearer head, thought back through the events of last night with a scowl. Dean had been so friendly and kind. Castiel, though, had seemed standoffish and moody. Not a great impression. And fuck it all, he didn’t think he paid his tab either. Top shelf whiskey doesn’t come cheap. Nor do gourmet burgers and fries. And the company that had brought him out of his melancholy mood was priceless.

It seems he owed Dean Winchester a small fortune. It was probably why he invited Castiel out again-- to get him to settle up his debts.

Castiel redressed in his suit pants and white shirt and prepared to walk back to Lucky Joe’s to make a hasty retreat. However, he just couldn’t stiff Dean like that, especially after he had been so kind. So, he pulled the two hundred dollars he always kept in the spot behind his driver’s license for emergencies, scribbled a quick note on the back of his business card, and sealed it up in a motel envelope. He wasn’t sure if the bar would be open, but he figured he could shove it under the door and Dean would get it.

After he checked out and left a fifty on the nightstand for housekeeping, who he assumed was Jo, he walked down the block toward the bar to leave the note and pick up his car.

Lucky Joe’s was less than half a mile from the motel, so it was a quick walk. He went to the front door and was surprised when it opened freely. The bell overhead jingled and a, “Just a second!” came from the backroom.

Castiel stood there under the bell, but quickly lost his nerve. He walked to the exact spot at the bar he sat last night, and placed the envelope atop it. He turned to make a hasty exit. However, as soon as his hand was on the door handle, a tall man appeared from the back room.

“How can I help ya?” he asked.

“I was settling up my bill from last night,” Castiel replied and pointed to the bar. “I left it there.”

“Just a sec,” the tall man said. “Are you Castiel?”

“I am. How’d you know?” Castiel asked.

The taller man smiled and replied in a sing-song tone, “Oh, I talked to Dean this morning.”

Castiel looked at the man in confusion. He pondered whether or not he should get this man to expand on that statement, but ultimately decided to let it go. “Can you just make sure the bartender last night gets this?” He motioned to the envelope.

“I’m Sam by the way,” he said. “And, I’ll see to it personally. Who was the bartender? Garth?”

“No. Dean.”

Sam doubled over in laughter.

“I don’t know what’s so funny,” Castiel said indignant. “I know I made an ass of myself last night, but…”

“Wait a second, Castiel,” Sam said between hiccoughs. “That’s not why I’m laughing. Dean wasn’t even supposed to work last night. Garth was scheduled. He came in to cover until Charlie showed up.”

“Way to make me feel better, Sam. I was already embarrassed by my behavior and now I learn that I monopolized a man’s free Saturday night,” Castiel exclaimed as he rubbed his face with his hand. “I mean, he stayed even after Charlie showed, so I feel even worse. If you see him, please make sure he knows that it wasn't my intention for him to entertain me.”

“Believe me, Castiel, if Dean didn’t want to spend the evening with you, he wouldn’t have. He’s not like that. And after he sent you to the motel, he called. I hadn’t heard him speak that excitedly about something in years.”

“You seem close,” Castiel hedged. “Are you and he…?”

“Me and Dean?” Sam asked and the wheezing laughter began anew. “Nah. He’s my older brother. And, believe me, you’re just his type.”

Castiel breathed a sigh of relief. He didn’t know why he felt relief. It isn’t as though he was going to see Dean again. “That’s neither here nor there, Sam. Though I do appreciate your kind words,” Castiel began. “But I really must be on my way. Make sure your brother gets that please.” He motioned to the envelope on the bar.

“I will,” Sam said solemnly. “Just know that Dean will be upset he missed you.”

“It contains my contact information,” Castiel said thinking of the business card. He turned and made his way outside to his plain, boring rental car. He was in and on his way back to Wichita in no time.


	2. Dean Does Inventory by Himself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean reacts to Castiel's absence.

**Chapter 2: Dean Does Inventory by Himself (September 27)**

Dean backed his prized car into his usual space behind Lucky Joe’s. He got out, and after grabbing a bag of groceries from the back seat, headed toward the back door. He expected his brother, Sam, to be at the bar doing payroll, but the door was locked. So, after balancing the groceries and fumbling his keys into the lock one-handed, he headed through the back room and up a narrow flight of stairs into the small apartment that was situated above the bar. 

Though the apartment was unoccupied, he kept the kitchen in working order, and there were always meager supplies there for when he worked late and needed something to eat. It is where he had made dinner for Castiel last night. 

Castiel. 

Last night was a trip. Castiel had gotten so drunk, and Dean was amused when the man’s shell had cracked. Dean wondered if Castiel even remembered kissing him. 

After Dean sent Castiel off with Jody, he and Charlie talked a bit and she had convinced him to leave something for Castiel. She helped him compose something on a Lucky Joe’s cocktail napkin. Classy. But it took him until closing time to get the message right. 

Dean couldn’t get the man out of his head. There was something there that he wanted to explore. Castiel was an out-of-towner, but Wichita wasn’t far. If they clicked sober as easily as they had last night, then Dean was sure they could make something work. Friendship, at least. But, Dean could admit to himself that he was hopeful for something more. 

Unwilling to leave merely a simple note for Castiel, he got up early and made blueberry muffins. He took them over to the motel, but instead of taking them to Castiel directly, he headed to the front office where he talked with Jo a bit, dropped off the muffins, and asked Jo to be sure the man in 6 got the note. She read it, of course, and he blushed when she teased him about it.

It had been so long since Dean had felt a spark toward someone, that he was willing to give it a shot. But, he’d have to be careful.

Dean was pulled from his reverie when he heard the bell on the door downstairs jingle joyously. He grinned as he skipped down the stairs. 

His face fell when he saw that it was just Sam.

“Finish the books yet?” Dean asked pointedly, trying to mask the disappointment in his voice.

“Yeah. All done. Payroll is on your desk for you to sign.”

“Thanks. Why’d you come back then? If you were finished, you could’ve stayed home with Jo.”

“I came back because I have something to give you,” Sam said as he reached into his pocket and produced an envelope. “I told your friend I would make sure you got this personally.” 

“Well, thanks.” Dean reached out and took the envelope from his brother, and his stomach dropped. His name was written in a slanted but neat print.

“I’ll, uh, just grab a beer and wait while you read it.”

“I’ll be fine, Sammy. No need to babysit me. I know how to handle rejection.”

“Dude, you don’t know that it’s a rejection,” Sam said and Dean could see him vibrate with excited energy. Sam never did know how to handle suspense.

“He’s not here, though, right?” Dean countered.

“You don’t know what’s in the envelope. It could be anything. And, well, Jo’ll kill me if I don’t come home with something, so I’m staying. You know she lives for this shit.”

“Right, I see right through that, bro,” Dean said as he slid a finger under the sealed flap and tore it open. “Using your wife as an excuse. That’s deplorable!”

Sam shrugged unapologetically.  

He took a deep breath and opened the envelope. The first thing Dean noticed was the cash and he shivered as the disappointment sunk further into him. He hadn’t realized just how anxious he was to see Castiel again until Sam handed him the envelope. 

The money, two one-hundred dollar bills, were folded neatly around a simple white embossed business card. Dean pulled it out, read it then flipped it over and saw a glimmer of hope written in small messy script. 

> Dean-
> 
> Prior engagements have called me away, but included should cover any damage my errant behavior cost you. My sincerest apologies, truly.
> 
> I regret--
> 
> Know that you will not be far from my thoughts for a while.
> 
> Thank you for your kindness.
> 
> \--C   
>    
> 

Dean took the card and money and shoved it back into the envelope. He folded it in half and shoved it in his back pocket. His brother stared at him with wide eyes and the slightest hint of a smile. 

“Well, Sammy, that’s that,” he said. “Unless you’re doing inventory, get the fuck out of here. Make sure Ev gets dinner, okay?”

“Don’t worry about her. Evelyn’s with Jo painting their nails or something,” he said and then motioned to Dean’s pocket. “What did it say?” 

“Just that he’s not comin’,” Dean responded and turned toward a shelf weighed down with cases of Budweiser. 

“Seems like it was more than that. When I talked to him earlier, he seemed genuinely remorseful. Like he wanted to come, but he couldn’t. He also mentioned that his contact information is in there. So, it seems that the ball is in your court, bro.” 

“I don’t know,” Dean began as he turned toward his brother. “What if—”

“Hold up,” Sam interrupted. “What were you hoping for?”

“I don’t know. I was interested for sure. I guess I wanted to see where things went,” Dean said truthfully. 

“It is nice to see you open to something with someone. After—” Sam started.

“Shut up. Don’t bring that up,” Dean snarled. “That has nothing to do with this.”

“That has  _ everything  _ to do with this. Whenever he is brought up, you close yourself off. To see you open to something with someone new is refreshing. But, even after five years that situation is still a sore subject. I know,” Sam said and raised his hands in apologetic defeat. He dropped his hands and stepped closer to his brother. “Well, can I give you some advice?” 

“Shoot.”

“You have a tendency to put the cart before the horse. You did it with you-know-who, and that is why you’re a single parent. You like the idea of a relationship lasting forever. Like mom and dad—” 

“Like you and Jo,” Dean interrupted. 

“I hope so. Who knows, Castiel may be that for you. But, you’ve known him for one evening. And he got blitzed out drunk.” When Dean opened his mouth to retaliate, Sam held up his hand to stop him and continued, “Yeah, I know. We’ve all been there. It doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy. Just, you have an opportunity here to really get to know him before you decide to take the plunge. Make sure he’s worthy of meeting Evie. Make sure he’s worthy of  _ you _ and that you’re on the same page before you jump into anything.”

“I hear ya,” Dean said lowly. “What should I do?”

“Figure out how to talk to him before you jump into bed. Wichita isn’t too far, but it will force you to get to know each other before you decide to meet up for anything. Driving three hours for a hook-up doesn’t sound fun. Driving three hours to meet someone special or a good friend is well worth it.”

Dean nodded as he let his brother’s advice soak in. It was a pretty accurate description of how he treated relationships-- not that he had a ton of experience with them. One really serious relationship and a cubit shit ton of one-nighters didn't really count as positive and healthy. Dean did have a tendency to rush into things and his track record was down right terrible. Maybe taking things slow was the way to go. 

“Your first step is to call that number though, bro,” Sam said as he motioned to the phone. 

“I’ll do it after you leave. It’s something I want to do alone,” Dean promised. “Now get home to your wife and my daughter.”

Sam nodded. “Okay, Dean. I get it. Call me if you need to talk.”

“Thanks, bro,” he said as he turned toward the backroom. “Thanks for taking care of Ev too. I appreciate it.”

“Not a problem. You’re not alone. You’ve got me, Jo, Ellen, Charlie and even Bobby. Remember that.” 

Dean had heard that all before, but it still felt good to be reminded. He thanked his brother again and as Sam turned to leave, Dean went to the storage room to get started on inventory. 

As he bent over to begin counting cases of beer, he felt the envelope dislodge from his pocket and flutter to the ground. He picked it up and held it in his trembling hands. 

“Now or never,” he whispered to himself. He pulled out his cell phone and the business card, entered the number, and hit send.

It rang. 

_ Beed-oh-beep The number you have dialed is disconnected. If you feel as though you’ve reached this message in error, hang up and dial again. Beed-oh-beep _

_ Disconnected? _ he thought.  _ That can’t be right _ . So, he checked the number and dialed again. 

Still disconnected. 

Embarrassed to have fallen for the classic fake number rejection, Dean shoved the business card, and money into his desk and got back to work. He didn’t want to be there all night. And it was bad business to drink your inventory.  

He was just finishing the tally of beer when his phone buzzed with an incoming text.

> Sam- How’d it go?
> 
> Dean- Disconnected
> 
> Sam- What?
> 
> Dean- The number was disconnected. 
> 
> Sam- I’m sorry. 
> 
> Dean- It is what it is. 
> 
> Sam- This doesn’t have to be it. You do have the internet. 
> 
> Dean- Leave it alone, Sam. 
> 
> Sam- What’s his last name? I didn’t get to see the card.
> 
> Dean- Leave it!
> 
> Sam- Nevermind. How many Castiels can there be out there?
> 
> Dean- Damnit Sammy. Stop.
> 
> Sam- Too late. I have Red on it. She knows what he looks like.
> 
> Dean- Fucker 
> 
> Sam- Dean
> 
> Sam- Dean
> 
> Sam- Daddy! 

Dean knew that last one was from his daughter so he responded to it. It was a low blow on his brother's part dragging his little girl into it. He knew he'd never ignore her. 

> Dean- Love you, Boo. Tell Uncle Sammy to shut his cakehole and mind his own business. I'll be there to take you to school in the morning. Be good!
> 
> Sam-  k. Love you 2 

Dean smiled and started on writing invoices and emailing his liquor distributors. He didn’t know how long he’d been working when he heard the backdoor open and slam closed. 

“Dean!” he heard Charlie yell.

“Office,” he yelled back.

She walked in and grinned. “I found your guy, and came to deliver the info personally. It was toats easy to get,” Charlie said as she perched on the edge of his desk. She dropped a folded notebook page on top of the invoice he was currently looking at. 

“It’s over, Charlie.”

“It doesn’t have to be,” she responded. “Castiel was super cool and totally your type. Did you know he’s into Star Trek? I mean he said that he preferred Archer to any of the other captains, but I can overlook that or convert him. I mean Janeway is totally the best captain--”

“Charlie, wait. If he wanted me to contact him, he would’ve made sure the number he gave me was connected. I can take a hint,” Dean said as he pushed the notebook paper away.

“Maybe it was a mistake,” she said simply with a shrug and pushed the piece of paper back at him. “Want to know what I found out about him?” She waggled her eyebrows at him.

“Nope,” he said, although he was curious. 

“Fine, fine. You stubborn ass,” she said as he stood. “Think about this though. Is it worth it to put yourself out there?”

“Probably not,” Dean said lowly. 

“Wrong! It is always worth it. There was something there between you two. It was electric. Palpable. I hadn’t seen you smile like that in years.”

“Between you and Sam… jesus,” Dean sighed in exasperation. “Can’t you both just leave it alone?”

“Nope. We just want you happy,” she said with a grin. “You do so much for everyone else. Do something for yourself. At least do a little google research. Put it out in the universe that you’re interested. I’m sure he’s mortified about how plowed he got last night.”

“Yeah,” Dean said lamely. “I’ve had enough of the talk-downs. I’ll think about it. Now leave me alone before I put you to work.”

“Fine, fine,” Charlie said with a grin.

“And I know you kept a copy of his info.” Dean leveled a glare in her direction in an attempt of intimidation. “Lose it. I mean it.” 

“Ohhhh! What are you going to do?” she asked with a chuckle. As she backed out of the office, she stage-whispered, “I’m not scared of you!”, and then turned and sprinted out the backdoor. 

Dean rolled his eyes at her antics and focused on the task at hand. He still had a business to run.

Dean finished inventory fairly quickly after she left, and without any further disruptions. After he filed away his last invoice, he sat back and thought about everything that had happened. 

Castiel was, well, he was someone Dean wanted to get to know better. But the number he gave Dean was disconnected. Did he want to jump on the assumption that it was a mistake? He kind of really did. However, maybe it wasn’t a mistake.

Was it worth it for him to get his hopes up? His hopes were at a record high before, but then they were crushed pretty spectacularly. He glanced at the folded up piece of notebook paper and decided not to look at it. He pulled out the envelope and put the page in with the business card and cash and stuffed it in his pocket. 

He stood to leave but before he got to the front door to lock it, he turned around. He couldn’t just leave it. Charlie and his brother thought he was inept and refused to let him give up on something that might give him some sort of happiness. They seemed to think having someone else in his life would give his life some meaning. But they had urged him to be cautious. So, he would be cautious. He wouldn't get his hopes up. And, by the off chance it was an honest mistake, Castiel would know that he was free to contact Dean again.

Returning to his office, he turned the computer back on and waited for it to boot up. He drummed his fingers on the worn and scarred wood of the desk as he formulated his plan. First thing he needed to know was whether or not the business was legit. So, when the desktop finally loaded, he clicked the internet browser and quickly navigated to Google. He entered SPN Publishing into the search bar and waited for the results. It was the second search option, which was a good sign. He clicked on it.

Now he needed to see if Castiel was actually employed there. He navigated around the site and found a series of children’s books about cupcakes and angels. They were authored by Gabriel North and Illustrated by Castiel Novak. So, also accurate information. 

Both good signs, really. Now he needed to decide what to do. He pulled out a piece of paper and began writing a list to keep his thoughts organized. He decided he had three options.

> Option one: he could call the number that he was sure was on the paper Charlie brought him. But, how would he explain that? How creepy would it be to say that I had a friend hack around the internet to find him because he gave me a disconnected number? No. That was ten degrees of stalkery. That wasn’t an option.
> 
> Option two: he could email the address on the business card. However, it was his business email address and Dean didn’t think it was appropriate for him to write to Castiel’s business email. It wasn’t exactly private. Anyone can check those. Castiel’s supervisor could have access to it too, and Dean could get Castiel in trouble if he sent something personal to his professional email. No, Dean wasn’t going to do that. Plus, who even knows if the email address was still active and valid. If the phone number didn’t work, who’s to say the email address would?
> 
> Option three: he could send a letter to Castiel’s office. It was really the best option all around. It would get returned to Dean if Castiel didn’t work there anymore and, if he was lucky, they would forward the letter to him.

Feeling satisfied with option three, he navigated to the publisher’s contact page. He pulled an envelope out of the drawer and addressed it with the publisher’s address and attention to Castiel. He grabbed a piece of paper and paused. He didn’t know what to write. It needed to be vague enough that if someone other than Castiel opened it, it wouldn’t be too telling, but it would also tell Castiel that he was interested in  _ something _ with him.

“The money,” he whispered with a grin. That was his in and he quickly pulled out the envelope, and extracted the two hundred dollars. After scratching out a letter and folding the money into it, he stuffed it into the addressed envelope, added his home return address, pressed a stamp into the corner, and placed the envelope in the outgoing mail. It would go out into the world tomorrow, hopefully finding its recipient.

He exhaled a sigh of relief that he didn’t realize he was holding. Now, the ball was in Castiel’s court.

  
  
  



	3. Letter Correspondence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which our boys exchange letters. And a brief text conversation between brothers.

**Part 2- Letter correspondence:**

**Castiel comes home from a jog and his roommate hands him a large manila envelope, return address SPN Publishing. He places it on his desk to look at later.**

**When he gets to it a few weeks later, he opens it and another envelope, plain white letter sized, falls out**

**Castiel opens that one and as it unfolds, two hundred dollars flutter to the ground. On Lucky Joe’s letterhead is written:**

September 27

Mr. Novak,

You seem to have left something at Lucky Joe’s when you were here yesterday. I have included it with this letter. 

I didn’t know of another way to contact you as the phone number on the business card was disconnected. I wasn’t sure if that was intentional or not, but I was told not to automatically assume the worst. You know what that say when you assume… 

So, I thought I’d reach out. If anything, I thought you should know that you haven’t been far from my thoughts either. 

Anyway, I hope it wasn’t too intrusive that I sent it through your office. I couldn’t think of a different way, short of internet stalking, to get you what you left town without. 

You have my information now, you know, if you feel like talking. I’ll be around. Please contact me with  **any** questions, concerns, and inquiries. 

Yours-

Dean Winchester

987-663-1854

  


**Dean, just home from Trick or Treating, retrieves his mail to find a hand-written envelope. A spark of hope ignites in his chest, but his face falls when he notices the postmark reads California. He tears it open and sits on the porch steps to read:**

October 28

Dean-

Imagine my surprise when I opened mail from my office that I left sitting on my desk for weeks, thinking it was a commission from the author I illustrate for, only to find your letter. I swear I was not actively ignoring it, in the sense that it was you. I was ignoring it because I thought it was work and I was stuck in a different project that needed finished before I started on another. 

Apologies for the disconnected phone number. I believe the mistake was that you received an old business card where my number was misprinted. I should have checked before I gave it to you. I regret that I left the wrong one. I will remove all others from my wallet so as not to repeat my mistake. 

It was only one of many regrets from that day. 

Another was drinking so heavily, and then forgetting to pay my bar tab. The money was to show my gratitude for your kindness in keeping a lonely man company with fine food and expensive liquor. 

That was what the money was for, so I am sending it back. I do not appreciate being in anyone’s debt.

Best Wishes-

Castiel Novak

P.S. You had to internet stalk a little to find my office address, as it was not on the business card.

**On the bottom of the page is a doodle of a cat. The money was rolled up and stuck in a clever cutout where the cat’s mouth would be.**

**There is no phone number.**

****  


**Castiel, on his was home from the grocery store checks his mail to find another envelope from Kansas. Inside is a piece of notebook paper folded around a picture. Behind the picture is the two-hundred dollars.**

November 4

Castiel-

I wasn’t going to contact you again, but I had some unsolicited advice from some assholes that I call family that convinced me to reach out. 

I do need to say that it wasn’t my intention to insult you by sending back the money. It was only my excuse to contact you through your office. But, it also wasn’t what I meant when I said you left my bar without something. I would tell you what I meant, but I think it would be much more fun to make you guess. I am sending the money back because I don’t want it. Keep it.  

Can you guess what it was that you left without? Huh, Castiel? Can ya?

Did you have a good Halloween? It is kind of a big holiday around here, so I enclosed a picture of the group costume that we did this year. You will recognise Sam and Jo as the Scarecrow and a heavily pregnant Glinda, I am the Tin Man. We wrangled Bobby into the lion costume. Ellen, Jo’s mom was the wicked witch. And that is Evelyn dressed up as Dorothy. We took liberties and Jo and Sam’s golden retriever, Bones, was Toto. We won the school carnival’s costume contest. So, now I have that to add to my resume. 

Anyway, Thanksgiving is coming up. Do you have plans? Then it is Christmas, and I am already stressed about what I am going to get Sam. He always figures out the perfect gifts, but then I am like, “Here’s a Target gift card. Don’t starve in grad school.” But now he’s graduated and has someone who feeds him regularly, so that’s not going to work. Jo and Sam’s baby is due the week before Christmas, so maybe he won’t notice a lame-ass gift. 

I’m going to tell ya that just writing this letter feels good. Right, somehow. Maybe we could keep this up? I know I’m in Kansas, and you’re in Cali, but… yeah, I don’t know what to say that wouldn’t sound sappy. 

Anyway, I’ll write back if you do.

Dean

**The $200 is enclosed.**  
  


****  


**Text Conversation, November 5, Afternoon**

  


> Jimmy- Hey bro, you coming for Thanksgiving?
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Castiel- No. Too much to do. Got a deadline for the Friday after. The new book is scheduled to print just after the new year. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Jimmy- Too bad. We were going to get Chinese. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Castiel- I’m sorry. I will be there for Christmas though. We can skype. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Jimmy- You had better. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Castiel- Of course. Do you have a minute? I need some advice.
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Jimmy- I can text, but Ames is sleeping, so I need to keep it quiet. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Castiel- That’s fine.
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Jimmy- What’s going on?
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Castiel- Remember last time I visited, your engagement party? And you sent me for a drive to look at wheat fields?
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Jimmy- yeah…
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Castiel- I met someone when you sent me away from the party. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Jimmy- Wait, I thought you drove up north and got blackout drunk.
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Castiel- I did. But, I met someone there. Anyway, nothing happened except I was extremely attracted to him. And I had to leave before I got to see him again. But, I left him a business card.
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Jimmy- So, he called you?
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Castiel- Not quite. The business card was one that I keep in my wallet for mother, you know with the wrong phone number and email on it. Anyway, he looked me up and sent me a letter, a  _ handwritten  _ letter through my office. I wrote him back, but I didn’t think anything of it. I was tearse.
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Jimmy- you gave him a disconnected number. Fuck. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Castiel- It was an accident. I meant to give him the real one. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Jimmy- But, that didn’t deter him. He still found a way to contact you. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Castiel- Yeah. But, then he wrote me back.
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Jimmy- So, what’s the problem?
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Castiel- We’re so far apart. Long distance never works. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Jimmy- Did he say he wanted to start a relationship with you?
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Castiel- Well, no. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Jimmy- But, you want one with him?
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Castiel- No- I don’t know. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Jimmy- What do you know about him?
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Castiel- He’s insanely attractive, a bartender, has a lot of family in Kansas. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Jimmy- You have family in Kansas too. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Castiel- I know. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Jimmy- you have that in common. And I'm one hot beast which means that you probably are too seeing as how our chromosomes match. So, 2 things in common with hot bartender.
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Castiel- yeah yeah. So, What should I do?
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Jimmy: Would this be an issue if you lived closer to each other?
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Castiel: Probably not to the degree it is. I’d have probably asked him to dinner to get to know him. But that isn’t an option. I just wish I could figure out his angle. What does he want? 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Jimmy- Just write him back and find out. Feel out what he wants. Then move to Kansas. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Castiel- I am not moving again for a guy. I did that once, and you know how that turned out. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Jimmy- Hot bartender is not Baltha-dick. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Castiel- don't I know it. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Jimmy- Move here. My progeny is going to need a cool uncle to baby sit.
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Jimmy- But, enough of that. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Jimmy- the worst that can happen is that he wants nothing to do with you. And you’ve only wasted a few stamps. Or maybe you make a new friend. Nothing wrong with having more friends. Fuck, dude, he could be the love of your life. You will never know unless you WRITE HIM BACK!
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Castiel- Okay, fine. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Jimmy- Look, bro, you’re alone up there…
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Castiel- I have Hannah.
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Jimmy- She spends most of her time in Africa. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Castiel- And now there’s Jasper.
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Castiel- My new kitten. <Image Attached>
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Jimmy- Fuck. Write him back. Make a new friend. A person, who you can talk to. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Jimmy- Before you turn into the equivalent of a crazy cat lady. But as a gay dude in his mid-thirties. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Castiel- Hmm… I think I’ll get Jasper a friend. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Jimmy- If you name it Alice, I’m staging an intervention. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Jimmy- I'm ashamed I made that reference. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Castiel-  Truly shameful. haha. Thanks Jimmy. You have given me much to think about. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Castiel- I’ll write back but I’m going to set some boundaries. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Jimmy- Nothing wrong with being careful. 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Castiel- Love you. I’ll call with my flight info for Christmas.
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Jimmy- Cool. Love ya back, bro. 

 

**Dean, just back from dropping Evelyn off at Ellen’s, checks his mail before heading into the bar for a few hours. He smiles as he reads:**

November 15

Dean-

I, too, have had help (or unsolicited advice in this case) from outside sources informing me that I need to write you back. That, at the very least, I’ll make a new friend. 

So, I have taken a few days to think about what I wanted to write you back about. I find that I want to tell you everything and nothing at all. I have come to the conclusion that I don’t know how to open myself up and what is appropriate to put into letters. Maybe if we had set guidelines, it would make it easier for me. 

May I suggest a three question rule? You can ask me any three questions per letter, and I’ll answer. No matter what. Deal?

You asked me four questions in your last letter.  Don’t worry I’ll give you a pass, just this once. I’ll address all four now. 

-Yes, I do want to continue to keep up a form of communication, obviously. I just ask that we keep it in this format as we get to know one another. At least for now please. 

-Halloween was just another day for me. The author I illustrate for tried to get me to attend a promotional event, but I declined. I tend to be reclusive, and dressing as a cupcake or an Angel held no appeal. I illustrate for Gabriel North who writes the series  Heavenly Confectionery . It is about a group of Angels who own a bakery and solve mysteries on the side. It is insipid, but wildly popular. There have been whispers of opening a physical bakery in Chicago. I am not in the loop enough to know if it is actually true though. 

-Thanksgiving is going to be, sadly, filled with work. I’ll order Chinese and draw, draw, draw. I have a deadline fast approaching, so I have to skip the holiday. My personal project cut into my work time. Sometimes I have a hard time stopping personal projects while the inspiration is flowing. I will miss the sweet potatoes though. 

-I have no earthly clue as to what I left Lucky Joe’s without if it wasn’t the money. (Which I have also returned with this letter. Please keep it.)

And now for my questions:

-I am sure that you will be able to find Sam the perfect gift. Tell me a bit about him and perhaps I can help you come up with something. I already know that he is compassionate and kind from speaking with him once.

-Tell me about Evelyn. You mentioned everyone else, but really just glossed over her and she seemed to be in the center of the picture. Which would make me assume that she is pretty much the center of your family. 

-I also have the burning desire to know why you are so intent on keeping in contact with me. I don’t understand it and would appreciate the clarity. 

I know that these were not in the form of questions, but they are essentially things I want to know. 

I find that I am looking forward to your response.

Castiel

**In the corner of the page there is a doodle of a beehive and some bees buzzing around it. The two hundred dollars is enclosed.**

**Still no phone number.**

  


**Castiel just back from a run, checks the mail to find:**

Nov. 18

Castiel-

I agree to your terms. I think writing each other is an excellent way to feel out what we both want from each other. I also agree to the three questions rule. However, I’m going to amend that normal, everyday questions (how are you, how was your day, what are you wearing… and the like) are exempt and free questions. Only probing (Ha!) questions count toward the 3 questions.

My questions are: 

How did you get into illustration?

Tell me about your family.

Why do  you keep writing back? 

I also noticed that you sent the money back. I am just going to keep returning it, so please keep it. 

Now to the serious stuff: 

What in the hell do I get Sam for Christmas? He is my baby brother- four years younger. A lawyer. The brand new district attorney here and setting up an office. Having a baby. Has stupid long hair. He is very tall. Runs regularly. He eats a lot of green things. I don’t know. You’re right though, he is compassionate and kind. Always has my back. Does my books because I’m balls at math. 

So, any ideas? Help me Obi Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope.

Evelyn is... Well, Evelyn is my daughter. She’s six. She is in the first grade and so smart. Already, she constantly has her nose in a book. Actually, I think she has a few of your books. She is the center of my world. I have a great support system that helps me out with her. 

I don’t know if we’re to the divulging things about ‘bad past relationships’ phase, but know I have sole custody and I haven’t seen or heard from him for over five years. I know I just probably raised more questions than I answered, but I’d have to get into a lot of shit that I don’t want to right now. I’ll tell you eventually. If things go well. Or if I haven’t scared you off. 

Shit, I’ve probably scared you off.  

In case I haven’t completely freaked you out, I will answer your last question without trying to give too much away. 

I can’t get you out of my head. I think you’re cute. And, I haven’t been so attracted to someone, I don’t think ever. 

Well, shit. I think I gave just about everything away. And, if you weren’t freaked out before, you surely are now. So, I’m just going to end this letter here. I hope to hear from you again, soon. 

Yours-

Dean

**The 200 dollars is enclosed.**

****  


**Dean sits down at the table to read:**

November 22

Dean-

I am about as far from freaked out as I can get, I think. I appreciate your candor and honesty. Truly. I know we have only exchanged a few letters, but please believe that I will write you back no matter what you tell me. I trust that you will do the same, if only to tell me to quit writing. Upon reflection, I find that I would be devastated if you were to just sever communication ties without an explanation.  I have also decided that if we are using this medium as a means to get to know one another, then we need to feel free to let go of our inhibitions and quit being afraid of what we are disclosing to each other. This goes as much for me as it does for you. 

It was very flattering to read that you are attracted to me. I, too, am attracted to you. My brother refers to you as the ‘hot bartender’, and because he has never met you in person, you can guess where he got the notion of you being ‘hot’. He is about the only member of my family that I actually talk to regularly. I am younger than he is by about fifteen minutes. We’re identical, but looks aside, Jimmy and I are complete opposites. He’s outgoing and charismatic. I am not. I’m more of an introvert, and I tend to be surly. But despite all our differences, he really is my best friend. 

How I got into illustration is a very long story. So, sit down. Grab some coffee. You’re going to learn a little more about my family- my parents. I rarely swear, but my parents are fucked up. When I was seventeen, I got into MIT’s prestigious engineering program. My parents were ecstatic. I was playing right into their plans for me. So, while at school, far away from my oppressive parents (my father is a well known conservative pastor in my hometown of Hartford, Connecticut), I came to terms with a lot of things. One of which was I didn’t want to be an engineer. I liked drawing the plans, but the math was awful and though I could do it, it was tedious. 

After my freshman year, I decided to drop out of MIT and go to art school. Painting and drawing had always been an outlet for me. I went home that summer and told my parents of my plans. They were livid. I also made the mistake of revealing my sexuality to my parents at the same time. 

You see, in my naivete, I thought my parents at the very least respected me enough to trust me to live my life how I saw fit. But, instead, I was blindsided with an ultimatum. Either I go back to school, graduate- preferably with honors- with an engineering degree, get married to whomever my mother chose or I was out of the family. 

So, I left. I moved to New York City with nothing, disowned, and a bank account that was nearing empty. But I was not to be deterred. My parents would not rule me. I sold my car for the money to get started and rented a seedy studio apartment in Bushwick. Luckily, my grandmother left me an inheritance when she died. It was barely enough to cover tuition at art school, but my parents couldn’t touch it. I worked two jobs in order to live in NYC and attend art school. It was somewhere I finally felt I belonged. Nobody thought anything of my reclusive nature, I wasn’t an oddity. Everyone has their quirk in art school. 

An art degree really doesn’t pay the bills though. So, after I graduated, I continued to work my two menial jobs. One of which was in a coffee shop. I used to doodle on patron’s coffee cups, much like I do on my letters, little nothings that I hoped brightened the day of the customer. Well, one of my regular customers was Gabriel North. He saw one of my doodles and commissioned illustrations from me to submit with his first manuscript on the spot. And the rest, you can say, is history. His manuscript, and my illustrations were quickly published and became wildly popular. Suddenly I had an agent and steady income from the publishing house with royalties. I could finally quit my jobs and focus on my art. So, there is how I got into illustration. And, also how I became independent of my parents. The subjects are very intertwined.

So, my parents and I don’t talk at all. My mother, when I see her, always tries to set me up with someone awful or completely inappropriate. She has taken up the mantle of finding me a ‘respectable’ gay partner because suddenly it is okay for me to be gay as long as I am with the ‘right’ sort of person. My father hasn’t spoken three words to me since my disownment, though he did reinstate my inheritance- not that I want or need it. I have no idea why they restored it. They were very upset when I flourished without their aid, though. 

My brother is pretty much the go between for us. Jimmy has always been supportive and I am sure that he gave my parents an earful when he found out what happened. He was away at KSU when everything happened and didn’t find out for a while after the fallout. Thinking back, I believe it was him that got my inheritance reinstated, though I cannot be sure. He has never owned up to it, but has always been my greatest advocate. 

I am saddened that I won’t get to Kansas for Thanksgiving, but I did book my flight for Christmas. I try to get out of the redwoods for holidays with my brother and his fiancee at the very least.

Speaking of Christmas, I believe I have something for you to give to Sam. I am sending it along after I have it specially packaged so it does not get damaged. It is for his new office. And before you go sending it back, I just had it laying around my studio taking up space. So, if you think he’ll like it, give it to him. If not, give it to someone else. 

You’re a father. That is wonderful. I am sure you are a great dad. Truthfully, I don’t know what I am to write here other than that it doesn’t bother or scare me. I have always liked children. I illustrate children’s books for a living, you know. Don’t be afraid to talk about her. She’s a part of you, and I would like to get to know her as well. Evelyn is a beautiful name to go with a beautiful girl. Which of mine and Gabe’s books does she have, so I can send her one she doesn’t have?

Okay, moving on. My questions proved to be difficult because I find the more I get to know you, the more I want to know everything. So, for this letter, I am going to ask:

-As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

-Tell me about your parents/family.

-What is your favorite food?

Still, at the end of this letter, I am nervous to mail it. I hope I am not romanticising things or making things to be more than what they are. I want to ask you what your intentions are, but I have already used up my allotted three questions. 

So, I’ll just end this letter here. 

Eagerly,

Castiel 

**On the bottom is a doodle of a princess in a tower surrounded by tall trees. The princess in looking wistfully eastward. The $200 dollars is enclosed.**

**Still no phone number.**

  


November 26

Cas-

Happy Thanksgiving! I hope by the time you get this, you’ve finished your work and met your deadline. I did a little googling, and saw that _Heavenly Confectionery_ has 10 volumes. Well, I didn’t google it, Sam did. I’m not very good with technology. I have a computer because who doesn't? Beyond checking my email, I don’t do much with it. I think even Evie can use it better than me. 

Anyway, Evie had the first 3 books, and Sam may have ordered the rest for her for Christmas. So, don’t worry about sending any. She will have them all. Unless you get an advance copy of the next? I will make sure to not buy it, so you can give it to her. 

I am very excited to see what you sent for Sam. I trust your taste. You think I’m hot, so...

I got your letter yesterday, and even though I have a house full of people over for the holiday, I couldn’t wait to write. I should mention that you were brought up a bunch. There may have been some ribbing, and some very manly blushing. So, in retaliation, I left Sam to do my dishes to write you back. 

I admit that I was relieved that you weren’t scared off when Evelyn was brought up. That would’ve been a dealbreaker. Hell, it  _ was _ a dealbreaker for her other father. 

Your parents are fucked up. I can’t imagine doing anything like that to Evie. But I am an openly mostly gay man from a different time than your parents. I would like to say that your parents had your best interests at heart, but I think that is a lie. They had their own interests in mind when they issued that ultimatum. Parents need to think of their child and not themselves. I think you are right to cut off most contact. 

To answer your questions: 

As a kid, I wanted to be a firefighter when I grew up. 

My family is made up of lots of people. My adoptive father Bobby always says, “Family don’t end in blood,” and that couldn’t be truer for my family. 

> -Sam, who is my younger brother. 
> 
> -Jo is his wife. She’s about to pop out a niece or nephew (they want to be surprised, so I don’t know what she’s incubating).
> 
> -Charlie who is Evie’s birth mom, but is more of a sister to me and an aunt to Evie than her mother. She was our surrogate, and we became close. 
> 
> -Kevin who was Sam’s roommate but parents died while he was in his first year at college and we adopted him. 
> 
> -Bobby was my deadbeat dad’s friend that adopted us and gave us a home. 
> 
> -Ellen is Jo’s mom and she takes Evie when I’m at the bar. 

You may notice that my parents aren’t around either. My mom died in a house fire when I was 4 and Sam was 6 months old. (That’s why I wanted to be a firefighter.) She was wonderful and beautiful. But, it devastated, John, my biological father. He turned to drinking and was rarely around. I raised Sam. My dad was grieving, I get that, but he had two little boys left to him that he basically ignored. Most of the time we lived out of the Impala (the car I drive now). Every once in awhile, we’d get left at Bobby’s for a while. Well, when I was thirteen and Sam was nine, John dropped us off with Bobby and never came back. Bobby eventually tracked him down in Minnesota where he had another wife and son. He was playing happy family with them while Sam and I scrimped, starved, and had no semblance of a stable home life. I think he’s still alive and kicking somewhere, probably still in Minnesota. I haven’t seen him since I was 22 when I went and gave him a piece of my mind. 

Anyway, the day after Bobby tracked down John, he left us with Ellen and Jo and drove up to Minnesota where he gave John a black eye and had him sign away his parental rights. He owed Bobby a substantial amount of money too, so Bobby took his car as repayment. Bobby adopted us and gave us the stability we needed. Sam thrived and got a full ride scholarship to Stanford. 

I followed Sam to Stanford, looking for my own adventure, working in an auto shop to help Sam with his bills. I was there until Sam went to grad school but moved back to Kansas with a six month old Evie to help out with the bar when Bobby got cancer. He’s fine now, in remission, but Bobby’s illness forced him into retirement and he sold me Joe’s for a whopping twenty bucks. 

Joe’s isn’t much, but it pays the bills and it is mine free and clear. I don’t have a fancy degree from a fancy university, but I managed to get a business degree from the community college. School was never my thing, I’m not smart like Sam, Evie, or you. So, that and Joe’s are accomplishments I am really proud of.  

I know you didn’t ask about things I am proud of, but I wanted to add it to illustrate how I am proud of you. You didn’t let your parents bulldoze you into doing something that would have made you miserable. You pulled yourself up by your bootstraps and made your own way in life. That is really admirable. It makes me even more glad we’re getting to know each other. And makes me wish you were closer so I could give you a hug. Writing shit like that out is really hard and I am honored you trusted me enough with it. 

This letter feels really jumbled and I’m sorry. I think the combination of alcohol and food coma isn’t conducive to good letter writing. It is more stream of consciousness than anything. You’re getting a peek into Dean Winchester’s head right now. Scared? Eh, it’s not too bad in here. I’m a generally happy person.

The answer to your last question is easy. My favorite food is pie. I love any and all pie. I will do just about anything for pie. I love Thanksgiving because there is more than one kind of pie. Apple pie is my favorite of all the pies though. It’s classic.

Now my questions to you:

What other kind of art do you do? I’m curious about your personal project from earlier… the one that made you ignore my first letter for a while.

Is there anything in your past you think I should know?

What kind of car do you drive? I am assuming that that silver thing wasn’t yours, but a rental. I hope. 

By the way, Cas, you’re not romanticizing anything. If you lived here, or hell, even Wichita, I would’ve made a move. But, getting to know each other this way has been really eye-opening. I’m not making my usual mistakes. Usually, I jump into bed with someone and then ask questions. It’s probably why my relationships, with the exception of one, haven’t last long at all. 

You, though, I am starting to feel something for. Something big. 

I saw you booked a flight to Kansas. What are you doing for Christmas? (Shit. A fourth question.)

Yours-

Dean

**The $200 is enclosed.**

  


December 7

Dear Dean,

By now you should’ve received Sam’s gift. What do you think? Will it do? 

I am not including those questions in my three. I am going to answer yours before I ask my questions. 

-What other kind of art do you do? 

I am classically trained in all forms of art. I don’t like sculpture and I don’t think I’m particularly good at it. I enjoy painting mostly though. I do all of my illustrations for Gabriel by hand and then scan them into my computer and finish them there. I don’t know how else to answer this question.  

-Is there anything in your past you think I should know?

There is probably a lot you should know. I guess though, the most pressing is how I got from NYC to California. It isn’t a long story. I met a guy, Balthazar. We got along. Our parents were friends. He got a job offer in Los Angeles. He asked me to move with him. And, since I can do my work anywhere, I did. But, when we got to LA and settled in, I found that we had different life goals. I wanted a partner I could trust. He wanted to screw everyone in his office. So, after I found out, I left. I decided I liked California, especially since it was across the country from my parents, so I found my house up here in Eureka. I have a friend who lives in the apartment above the garage, but Hannah isn’t around much. She’s a doctor with the Doctors Without Borders organization and often out of the country.

I also have a cat. His name is Jasper. 

Writing that, I see how utterly boring my life sounds. But, I’m not going to question why you are still writing. I am beginning to trust that there may indeed be something between us and I want to see it through. That doesn’t mean I am going to pack up and move to Kansas. I know it is logical, I mean I can work anywhere, but I need to be sure- absolutely sure- before anything like that happens. I don’t know why I’m writing about that. I’m glad you don’t know Jimmy because then you can gang up on me. Just about every time we talk, he mentions my moving to Wichita or at least Kansas City. I’m probably being stubborn, but I like my house. I have an inspiring view of the ocean. 

Talk about stream of consciousness. There’s a look into the head of Castiel. I’m sorry for being mauldin. I’ve had most of two bottles of wine. Gabriel is an enabler. He’s here to discuss what is next for Heavenly Confectionery, and to discuss a few changes to my illustrations for the upcoming book. 

Top secret information: there are talks of turning HC into a television series. I'd be needed to consult on the artwork because people in the know want it to have the same aesthetics as the books. But shhhh. It's a secret. 

Now, look at me. Writing you, whilst inebriated. I blame Gabriel for my mood. He found your latest letter on my desk, and asked why I was being hesitant. That is putting it mildly, Gabriel was much more crude.

Gabriel lives in Chicago. I don't even know why he's here putting these thoughts into my head. (He’s in my guest room sleeping off the wine). He says that you would be just the ‘cherry on top of the cupcake’ if I were to move. I’d be centrally located and could attend events more easily. I would be close to Jimmy and Amelia and their coming baby. 

Fuck, I think Gabriel has been talking to Jimmy. I introduced them at an event a while back, but I didn’t know they kept in contact. I never told Gabriel about the baby. 

I want to move for ME, damnit, not because everyone else thinks I should.

Apologies, Dean, this letter took a turn I hadn’t intended. I know we are nowhere near discussions of moving. I should just start over, but you want to get to know me, and I refuse to censor myself. 

I am going to move on now.   

You asked what kind of car I drove. You are correct in assuming that the silver car was a rental. I drive a 1974 Chevrolet Caprice. I included a picture of it parked in front of my garage so you would believe me. I inherited it from my grandfather and quite liked it. The old codger died right after Balthazar and I broke up. So I picked it up in Connecticut after his funeral and drove it across country, back to Eureka. Jimmy thought I was insane to drive across country in a gas guzzler, but it proved to be quite the healing trip.

For Christmas, I am spending the 23rd-28th in Wichita with Jimmy and Amelia. What are your plans for Christmas? 

Now for my questions:

I divulge my past with Balthazar in hopes that you would feel safe enough to tell me about Evelyn’s other father. You have piqued my curiosity.

Tell me about your time in California. (I am assuming that it is connected to Evelyn’s other father.)  

What is your favorite color?

Dean, a hug would be received favorably and also returned. You have much to be proud of. You survived so much adversity in your younger years. You have a beautiful daughter. I would bet Sam is more your doing than anyone else’s. You’re an openly ‘mostly’ gay man, I would bet the only one in the county you live in. That is something to be proud of too. 

What does it mean to be ‘mostly’ gay? That is a fourth question, replace the favorite color question with it if it upsets you.

Looking forward to your next letter.

Castiel

**In the margins of the paper, Castiel has doodled lightsabers and in the corner, an Ewok winking cheekily.**

****  


**Note attached to Sam’s gift:**

Dean-

If I’m Obi Wan Kenobi, then who are you?

I hope this painting works for your gift to Sam.

Castiel 

**On the bottom is a crude sketch of R2-D2 projecting a holographic image of Leia.**

**The $200 is attached to the back of the painting. The painting is a white canvas, with  heavily painted smears in vague rectangular shapes of black, red, with gold accents.**

****  


**Castiel opens the door to a small package sitting on the porch. Upon opening the package, he sees a letter sitting upon a plastic container.**

December 10

Cas-

Hi. How are ya? What are you wearing? Freebie questions for the win!

I owe you big time. It is perfect. Tell me about the painting. Sam is going to have kittens when he opens it. I’m putting your name on the card too. Look at us, I haven’t even kissed you good and proper yet, and we’re already giving couples gifts. 

I’ll be the Luke to your Obi Wan any day of the week. You are the master gift giver anyway.

Your doodles are cracking me up. Star Wars (besides episodes 1-3 because those are abominations) are some of my favorite movies. My first dude crush was Han Solo, not real original, but if it wasn’t for good ol’ Han, than I probably would’ve taken a lot longer to realize my attraction to men. I’m mostly gay, because I have dabbled in women. I prefer men, but a woman will do in a pinch. Especially, since you’ve already deduced, the selection of gay or bi men within a hundred miles is extremely lacking. Charlie has the same problem, she’s into chicks. So, sometimes we hit a club in Kansas City together just to be around some diversity.  

Just so you know, I haven’t looked at another person since you showed up in my bar. 

Your Chevy is so badass. I am so glad it isn’t a Prius or some other roller skate car. What you have is a car. Someday, maybe our Chevys can meet and see if they’re really compatible. They can get all cozy in a garage somewhere and get to know each other real good. 

Now I’m just being silly. 

Your drive across country sounds great! I am glad you took that time for yourself. I drive a gas guzzler too, and the Impala has driven across country more times than I can count. It’s worth the extra money in gas to see the country in style. Jimmy can shove it. He doesn’t know what he’s missing.

I love road trips. I don’t get to take them much anymore because of Evie being so young and needing to pee every hour, but when she’s a little older I hope to do another cross country trip with her. 

Before I chicken out, I am going to ask if you want to meet while you’re in Kansas for Christmas. Maybe for dinner? I’ll come to you. I’ve already cleared the 26th and 27th with Sam and Charlie in anticipation. We can see if we work in person, and sober, and see where to go from there. I really want us to work. 

Just so you know, I will never ask you to move for me. I will never bring it up either. We can make it work if we decide that we want to see each other exclusively. There’s the phone, text, letters, emails, skype (I think that’s a thing), just to name a few ways to keep in contact. If YOU decide that we should be geographically closer together, we can discuss options then. But, it will be YOUR decision as to when we start talking about that. I have a feeling that you’re worth waiting for, so I can be patient. This is the last time I’m going to bring it up.   

You asked about Evie’s other dad. It’s a fucking long story. Hope you don’t have anywhere to be.

I was 23 when I moved out to Palo Alto from Kansas to be closer to Sammy. I had known I was mostly gay, but I had never experimented with dudes before. I wouldn’t have even known where to begin, being from small town Kansas and all. I had a thing with a chick named Lisa after high school, but she cheated and I found I didn’t really care, so I broke it off. There wasn’t anything there. Anyway, Bobby urged me to go out and find something, have an adventure, so I decided to move to Cali.

I get to California, and it was like a smorgasbord of gay men. And, I guess I’m easy on the eyes, so I pretty much had my pick. I did the club scene for a while, but that wasn’t my thing. I did my experimenting, and learned some stuff about me. I learned that I prefer smaller bars to clubs. I prefer men that look like men. I learned that I liked to be close to home, if I’m drinking. So, I found a bar around the corner from the apartment I was renting. I lived close to the military base up by San Fran, and this bar was usually filled with men in uniform. It had great eye-candy. It became my place for a few years. 

Anyway, it was 2005, I think, and I had just gotten off work, I remember I had grease under my nails still, and in walks Benny like he owned the joint. You see, Benny was a marine, and just got back from his first deployment. He came right over and sat next to me, and we hit it off. We’d meet pretty much every evening after work for a beer after that. He was a really great guy, and I was really attracted to him. But, he never gave me any hint that he was attracted back. Anyway, my 25th birthday rolls around and Benny and I go out to dinner. Benny ends up getting pretty wasted so instead of taking him back to base, I take him to my apartment to sleep it off. But, his inhibitions were low because of the booze and he admitted that he was interested in me that way. So, we get to my place and he is all over me. One thing leads to another… and he’s moved off base into my apartment within the month. 

It really wasn’t a big deal. He was deployed for 10 months out of the year. We were together for four years and I thought we were stable. Fine. Great. I thought he was ‘the one’. I wanted to take the next step in our relationship. Marriage wasn’t an option yet, because Benny didn’t want to jeopardize his military career. So, instead, I asked if he wanted to have a baby with me. I have always wanted a family. He knew this. So when I brought it up, he was over the moon. It was perfect timing. Benny was going to do his final deployment and take a desk job somewhere, and he’d be around all the time. So, we started looking at surrogates. I found Charlie through Sam--they had some undergrad classes together--and now she was trying to put herself through grad school. She hit it off with both of us. So, before Benny’s next deployment, we went through with the surrogacy. I moved in with Charlie while she was pregnant because I didn’t want to miss anything, and I wanted to be there in case anything happened. 

But, Benny got taken and went missing right before his deployment was up. 

Nobody on base would tell me anything. This was before ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’ was repealed, so I had no right whatsoever to know where my boyfriend was. It was horrifying. I finally got a sympathetic NIS agent to tell me that he was missing in action, but no details. 

Then, Charlie went into labor, and Evie was born. Two months later, Benny came home and was honorably discharged. But he wasn’t Benny anymore. He had changed. He wouldn’t tell me what happened, I still don’t know to this day. But he was jumpy, and took to sleeping with his gun under his pillow. He wouldn’t look at me or touch Evie. I was still determined to make it work. You don’t abandon someone when they’re in need, ya know? 

Then Bobby got sick- stage 3 colon cancer- and I had to come home to Kansas. There was no other choice. This was my father, and he needed me. He was probably going to die. I begged Benny to come. He refused. I told him Evelyn needed him too, but it wasn’t enough. Whatever he lived through during his final deployment had altered him. He wasn’t carefree or loving anymore. I even urged him to get help, but he blew up at me and left.

So, after doing all I could, Evie and I moved back to Kansas into the apartment above Lucky Joe’s. We would’ve moved in with Bobby, but he likes his space. It made sense, I was going to be managing Joe’s while the old man was out, and needed Evie close-- just in case. 

Charlie followed us after she finished her master’s degree. She needed a change of pace and scenery, and housing prices are cheap around here. Plus, I sure needed the help trying to keep up the bar, and an energetic toddler. 

Anyway, about four years ago, I get a phone call from Benny saying that he got married to his PTSD therapist and that he was sorry for everything. He said that he didn’t want to disrupt Evie’s life with his bullshit. Yadda-yadda-yadda excuses. I couldn’t argue with him. I don’t know if it was wrong, but I told him that she was better off without him. She didn’t need a father that couldn’t be bothered. I told him not to contact us again. I had lived through that with John, and I couldn’t do that to her too. 

So, that’s my time in California as a military spouse, for a lack of a better word, and also Evie’s father. Although, I probably shouldn’t call him that. He was never her father. I just don’t know how to label him as he pertains to Evie. I guess I don’t have to label him at all. He was supposed to be her other father, but he wouldn’t, or couldn’t do that for her. She’s mine biologically, so he doesn’t have any claim to her that way either.

I just have to remember that she has me, and Sam, and Jo, and so many people who love her.  

I don’t know why I am so averse to talk about him. It was so long ago. I clam up when Sam mentions him, so me putting it all out there for you is sort of a big deal. I think on some level I feel a deep guilt, like I failed him. But I also had to think of my daughter and pseudo-father. It is something that will probably always haunt me. And I just plain don’t like talking about it. 

Anyway, my favorite color is probably a deep burgundy red. But, I’m starting to become partial to blue. Can you guess why? ;)

Okay, so now my questions. They’re easy this time, because I think we got really deep and need a reprieve from the past life drama. 

What’s your favorite color? 

What kind of music do you listen to, and/or what is your favorite song? 

Do you have any hobbies?

I’m real excited to hear from you about Christmas.

I’ve sent you some cookies. You said you missed the sweet potatoes at Thanksgiving, and after a few trial-and-error batches, I think I’ve got them to where they are actually good. Hope you like them. 

Yours,

Dean

P.S. You still haven’t guessed what you left Joe’s without. I haven’t forgotten. 

**The $200 dollars is enclosed in a tupperware full of sweet potato cookies.**

  


**Dean sits down to his desk, pulls out the letter which is folded around a snapshot.**

December 18

Dear Dean,

Everything is fine here. As to what I am wearing, it isn’t anything fancy. Just paint splattered yoga pants and old sweatshirt from KSU that I stole from Jimmy about 10 years ago. It is my standard painting uniform. I tend to be messy when I paint. 

As of now, I am between book deadlines until I get edits from Gabriel, so I have been working on something personal again. Last time, it was a set of scenes that I painted for Gabriel for his birthday of stylized baked good and other various sweets. I have enclosed a snapshot of it so you can see what I am talking about. This time, I think I will wait until I have completed it before I tell you about it. I hope you understand, I just like to keep my work to myself until it is finished. I promise you will see it sometime soon, though.  

Dean, you have nothing to thank me for. The painting I sent for Sam was something I did in school. It was one of the first large pieces that I was proud of. It is an abstract expressionism piece that, though not my usual style, really helped me to broaden my horizons when it came to painting. I am very glad Sam likes it so much and will display it. Just as I am glad you enjoy my doodles on these letters. I tend to draw them when I am trying to come up with what I want to say next. 

I do have to say that I am so sorry about Benny. I know you tried everything you could to help him, but he wasn’t able to accept that help for some reason. I cannot imagine what he went through over there, but I know it had to have been terrible for him to reject you and Evelyn. I am also honored that you trusted me enough to tell me about that. It can’t have been easy. I think you did the right thing by throwing in the towel. Your father needed you. You had to go where you were needed the most. 

Telling you about Balthazar and actually writing it down was quite therapeutic for me. I hope it was for you too.  

My favorite color is green, for several reasons. I am going to leave it at that. 

As for music, I tend to listen to all kinds of music. I listen to classical when I paint. I listen to classic rock when I clean my house. I don’t know if I really have a favorite song. I have a lot of favorite songs and it really depends on my mood. 

Dean, I am going to admit something to you that not many people know. I have to keep my hands busy at all times so my main hobby revolves around that. I knit. There. Now you know. 

I hadn’t planned out any questions to ask you for your next letter, so let’s keep it open. 

I would love to meet you while I am in Kansas for Christmas. I think it would be a wonderful time to evaluate what we have, and maybe figure out where we are going.

Looking forward to hearing from you,

Castiel

P.S. Those cookies were divine. Thank you so much for them.

**Along the bottom and in the margins of the paper are drawings of a Christmas tree surrounded by presents and a kitten tugging at the ribbon. The $200 is enclosed.**

**A few days before Christmas, Castiel goes to get his mail before he leaves for the airport and pulls out a card shuffled amongst his bills. He pulls it out and opens it. On the front is a picture of Santa Claus and reads:**

_Have you been good this Christmas?_

**Castiel opens the card and it reads:**

_Only good boys get what they want._

**On the opposite side, Dean has written:**

Cas-

I hope you get this before you fly out to Kansas. I wanted to send you something to show you that I am thinking about you, so here is a silly Christmas card. 

I want you to know that you are always on my mind and I am very excited about meeting up. 

See you soon,

Dean  

  


**The $200 is NOT enclosed.**

  


**The same day that Castiel receives Dean’s Christmas card, Dean also receives a card. The front has a picture of a Christmas tree captioned by the words: “Peace on Earth”. Inside, it simply says, “Merry Christmas”. On the opposite flap, Castiel has written:**

  


Dear Dean,

I need to tell you that I am really looking forward to meeting you in a few days. And if I have romanticized what we are doing with each other, I wanted to make sure you knew that I don’t regret getting to know you. 

Your words have become beacons of light in my dreary world.  

Counting the days,

Castiel

  


******************************

  
  
  
  



	4. Christmas Evening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas evening, an interlude.

**Christmas Day/Night**

“Dean quit pacing by the window and sit down. You’re making me nervous,” Sam said. “Maybe the snow will let up sometime during the night and you can get on the road early. Just in case, though, you should probably call Castiel.”

Dean looked across the table at his brother and mumbled, “I don’t have his number.”

“What?” Sam said incredulously. “You guys have been writing for months, and you never exchanged numbers?”

“Shit dude, I put mine in the first letter, but he never included his. I was kind of letting him set the pace. He said he wanted to keep our--” Dean stopped as if trying to find the right word and sighed in exasperation when he came up empty. He shook his head and continued, “whatever it is we are doing in letter format, and I was respecting that. I figured if he wanted me to have his phone number he would have given it to me. I like him, like a lot, and I didn’t want to fuck anything up by pushing too hard, ya know?”

“Yeah, I get that. But, maybe he needs a little push. Just a little one,” Sam said with a grin. “But I know that subtlety isn’t your strong suit. Maybe it isn’t his either. But, shit, I don’t know him. So, whatever. Did he tell you where he was staying?”

“Yeah. I think he’s told me just about everything else. He’s stayin’ with his brother, Jimmy.”

“Easy enough. Let’s look up Jimmy then. Hand me that fancy new phone I got you,” Sam said with a smile. 

“Yeah. I don’t know why you spent the money on this thing,” he said as he handed over the small silver rectangular phone. “I don’t know how to use it.”

“Well, I figured you were going to move on to the next step with your boyfriend and maybe talk electronically at some point. This thing can make phone calls, video chat, text message, and email. All things I thought you’d appreciate having at the tip of your finger. I just didn’t realize you were moving so excruciatingly slow.”

“Snails pace, dude. And if this thing can do all that, I hope I can put it to good use. And for the record, Cas isn’t my boyfriend. We’re just getting to know each other to see what we want from each other.” Dean pushed his new phone across the table to his brother. 

“He's not your boyfriend yet. Come here, let me show you how to use it,” Sam joked. “Now, Dean, this is a smartphone. And, this icon here is the internet.”

“Shut up. I know what the internet is. Ass,” Dean said as he moved to the seat next to Sam in order to watch what Sam was doing. 

Dean watched as Sam typed the name “Jimmy Novak” into the google search bar which came up with several obviously wrong results. 

“Try James Novak,” Dean suggested. 

“That was next,” Sam explained without taking his eyes off the bright screen. Dean watched as he refined his search to include Wichita as well. “Bingo.”

“That his number?” Dean asked.

“Yeah. The guy still has a landline for some reason, so he was easy to track. I didn’t even have to hack into the DMV,” Sam said with a laugh.

“You can do that?”

“No, but Charlie can,” Sam said. “She gave you all of Castiel's info back in August from his DMV information.”

“I forgot I had that. I still don’t want to use it. I want him to want to give me his number.” 

“You may have to ask for it though. Maybe he doesn’t know you want it,” Sam said. Just then, Jo walked in carrying a sleeping baby. Sam looked over at his wife and asked, “He eat well?”

“Yep. I think I’m getting the hang of this breastfeeding thing,” Jo said with a laugh. “He latched right on.”

“Good man,” Dean said softly in order to not wake the baby. 

“What are you guys up to?” she asked after a playful shove to Dean's left shoulder.

“Looking up Castiel’s brother, so Dean can call him. Did you know that Dean doesn’t have his boyfriend’s phone number?”

“Really? That’s surprising,” Jo said. “Losing your touch?”

“Taking it slow,” Dean stressed. “And he isn’t my boyfriend.”

“Yet,” she ribbed. “I still can’t believe he sent that painting for Sam. His talent is unbelievable.”

“I know, right,” Dean said with a grin. “I almost kept it for myself.”

“No one is more shocked than me,” Sam admitted and then looked at Dean. “It’ll look great on the wall behind my desk.”

“I bet if you asked real nice, he would send you something too,” Jo said with a wink. “But, first get his number. Shit dude, get that shit on lock.” She looked at Sam and asked, “Ready to go? I want to get home before the snow gets bad.” 

“It’s just down the block, Sis,” Dean said with a laugh. 

“Still, I’m tired.” 

“I remember those days. Lucky for me, Evie’s already in bed from all the excitement. After you guys go, I’ll call this number,” Dean said with a smile. 

Sam stood and took his newborn son from his wife and cradled him close. “Let me know what happens, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean said as he stood. He watched his brother strap his new baby into the car seat carrier and drape it with a blanket to keep the warmth in. After Dean helped Jo into her coat, he walked them to the front door. He locked the door behind them. Sighing, he walked back to the table and sat down. “Best just to get it over with,” he muttered to himself.

He took a deep breath before he dialed and put it on speaker phone. He didn’t like the way the, cold square of metal and glass felt on his ear.

_ Ring…. Ring….. Ring….  _

“Hello?” a female voice answered. 

“Uh.. yeah… hello.”

“Yes? Can I help you?” 

“Oh, yes! I’m sorry. Is Cas- Castiel there?” he stammered.

“He is. Can I tell him who’s calling?” she asked politely. 

“Oh, yeah. Sure. Tell him it’s Dean,” he answered. 

“One second, let me find him,” she replied. 

Dean listened as she walked through to the next room where there was a television blaring and a loud male laugh came through the receiver. He heard the woman begin to tease him, “Cassie, you’ll never believe who is on the phone.” 

“Ames, who is it?” Dean heard a male voice ask. 

“It’s Dean,” he heard the female voice say in a teasing sing-song voice. 

“Ohhh,” the male voice said followed by kissy noises. “It’s Deeeean.”

“Shut up the both of you. You are children,” he heard as a much deeper male voice admonished the two for the teasing. “Hand me the phone.”

“You don’t want to keep him waiting, bro,” the other male voice said. 

“Assbutt,” he said as he spoke into the phone. “Hello?”

“I’ve been called many things, but never an ‘assbutt,’” Dean said with a laugh. 

“I was calling my brother that, not you, Dean,” Castiel replied tersely. 

“I probably deserve it. Hello, Castiel,” Dean said. He could feel the smile spread across his face.

“Hello, Dean. One second and let me get to my room before you tell me why you called. I don’t think I can handle them trying to listen in.”

‘“Of course. Did you have a good Christmas?”

“I did. Was yours good as well?”

“Yep. I got a fancy new phone. You get anything good?”

“My brother got me a tent in the shape of a VW Microbus. He’s an idiot.” 

“Wow. I didn’t know you camped.”

“I don’t. He owns an outdoors store, so he got it at cost. He said it was leftover from the Christmas rush. He’s given me sleeping bags, camelbaks, and backpacks. It’s become kind of a tradition. I actually use the camelbaks when I run,” Castiel replied. 

“Camping isn’t bad if you go with the right person,” Dean said vaguely. He almost added that he’d like to show Castiel the finer points of camping, but he didn’t want to freak Castiel out on their very first phone conversation. 

“I’m sure that’s true,” Castiel replied. “Now, Dean, why have you called?”

“First of all, I’m sorry if I crossed some sort of line calling like this,” Dean started.

“No, Dean, it’s perfectly fine. I’m sorry for sounding brusque. I find that I am actually rather nervous.”

“Me too, Cas, me too,” Dean admitted with a chuckle. “Have you looked outside yet tonight?”

“I haven’t. Jimmy and I were watching ‘Die Hard’,” Castiel replied. 

“That is the perfect Christmas movie. Well here, the snow is starting to pile up. I’m going to try my damnedest to get to you tomorrow, but, well, the forecast isn’t makin’ me very hopeful for that happening.” 

“Yes, I see. Looking out the window here, the snow is beginning to accumulate rather quickly. You aren’t calling to cancel then?”

“No!” Dean said quickly. “I have been really looking forward to this.”

“Oh, good. Me too,” Castiel said with a chuckle. “I may have even brought you something. And Evelyn too. I didn’t get anything for Sam, because you said you signed my name to the card on the painting.”

“I did. But, man, you should’ve seen it. I think Jo has a video. If you give me your cell number, I can send it to ya. I should tell you that Jo punched me pretty hard in the arm for upstaging her even though I pointed out that she gave him a baby a week ago and I could never top that,” Dean said and then added. “I may have gotten you something too.”

Castiel laughed quietly and Dean felt a bloom of warmth in his chest from it. “You didn’t have to get me anything, Dean. Though I do appreciate it. And, I don’t think you could top Jo’s gift. A  whole human is a pretty big gift. Was everyone there today? Do you always host holidays?” Castiel asked. 

“Charlie was in Kansas City with her new girlfriend. I invited them both, but they wanted a quiet first Christmas together. Everyone else was here though. We usually switch between my house and Sam’s but Sam’s was overrun with new baby stuff, so we did Christmas here.”

“Ah. Tell me about the baby. In your last letter, you said it was close, but Jo hadn’t delivered yet.”

“Well, they had a boy. He was a chunk at over nine pounds! Named him Oliver Dean,” he said.  

“You have a namesake. That’s wonderful!”

“Well, Evie is Evelyn Samantha. So, it was probably done in reciprocation of that,” Dean said with a chuckle. “And to insure free babysitting.”

“I am sure there were other reasons. As if you’d ever charge Sam for babysitting,” Castiel said. “And you probably owe him anyway for watching Evelyn so often.”

“Yeah probably,” Dean said. The line was quiet for a minute. He didn’t know what else to say to Castiel. “Well, if I’m able to come in the morning, I’ll call. But, I wouldn’t count on it. Sorry to mess up the plan.”

“You can’t control the weather, Dean.”

“No matter how hard I try,” Dean chuckled then he heard the top stair creak. “I hear Evie coming down the stairs, Cas. I got to go.”

“Thank you for calling.”

“It was real good to hear your voice, Cas. Bye,” Dean said with a sad sigh. Castiel still hadn’t given him his phone number, and Dean didn’t know how to ask again. 

“Good bye, Dean.” 

_ Click _

“Daddy? Who are you talking to?” Evie asked as he rubbed her eyes on the way to the refrigerator.

“You remember I told you I made a new friend a while back. His name’s Castiel. I was talking to him,” Dean answered. “Drink water. You’ve had too much sugar today.”

“Are you going to go on a date with him?” she asked as she poured herself a glass of water from the dispenser on the front of the fridge.  

“I was, but the weather isn’t cooperating. So, I had to call and let him know I might not be able to make it. The snow is starting to pile up, baby girl.”

“Oh, that’s too bad,” Evelyn replied as she walked over to hug him. “I’m going to go read in bed, Dad. Good night.”

“Love you, Ev. Don’t sit up too late. I’ll come turn off your light when I head up,” he said as she pulled away. “Night!”

He watched as his daughter turned and made her way up the stairs again. He sat at the table and thought about his recent phone conversation with Castiel. It was awkward. Why was that? Writing him in letters was so easy. 

Castiel looked down at the cordless phone in his hand. 

_ That was a very strange conversation _ , he thought. He walked out of his room to hang up the phone. 

Jimmy and Amelia were snuggled close on the couch watching the movie. She had drifted off to sleep on his shoulder and Castiel stopped to watch them a bit.  He watched his brother smooth the blanket on Amelia’s shoulder and move a piece of her blonde hair behind her ear. There was so much love just in that scene that it made Castiel’s heart ache for something similar. 

Castiel walked in quietly and sat on the couch. 

Jimmy looked over and smiled. “You weren’t on the phone long. Everything okay?”

“Fine. Dean just called to let me know that the weather isn’t cooperating and may not be able to make it tomorrow.”

“That was considerate of him. How’d he get my house number?”

“I don’t know. He didn’t say.”

“Well, I’m listed because of the shop. Why didn’t he just call your phone?”

“Damn it.”

“What is it, Cassie?” Jimmy asked quietly, obviously trying not to wake Amelia. 

“I hung up before I gave him my cell number. And, he mentioned wanting it to send me a video. I had meant to give it to him before I hung up.”

“You mean he didn’t already have your cell number? Wait, nevermind, you guys are ridiculous,” Jimmy said as he shook his head. He motioned to the house phone. “Well, text him or something.”

“I don’t have his number.”

“How about you try the one on the caller ID,” Jimmy suggested. “Why haven’t you given him your number? Whenever we talk, it’s always Dean this and Dean that. What are you worried about?”

“I don’t know,” Castiel answered lamely. 

“Bullshit,” Jimmy countered. “Tell me.”

“I’m scared. The conversation we just had was awkward at best. What if--” 

“What if what?” Jimmy interrupted. “Maybe it was awkward because you were defensive, and he was nervous to call you because he had to go through my house phone and then talk to someone he didn’t know just to reach you. Maybe he was scared he was going to disappoint you. Maybe he is disappointed too. You’ll never know until you figure out how to get him your number. C’mon Cassie, man up and get your cell. I’ll put Amelia to bed and come out and sit with you while you text him, if you want.”

“I would appreciate that. Thank you,” Castiel said as he stood. 

Castiel stood up as Jimmy began to gently shake Amelia awake. He walked back to his room and grabbed his phone. When he got back to the couch, Jimmy was back and waiting. “Let’s get a move on.”

“What if--”

“We already went through this, Cassie. Just do it. Dude’s obviously into you.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Several things. How about: He’s been writing you handwritten letters for months? Or he figured out how to contact you instead of just not showing up? Or he persisted after you were an asshole and gave him a card with a disconnected number on it. Are you into him? Nevermind, dumb question. How about, what do you want out of life?” 

“I am content in my life--” Castiel began.

“Bullshit,” Jimmy interjected.

“I like my house and job.”

“A house is a thing and you have a cush job that you can do anywhere. What do you want?” Jimmy asked again. “And, I mean from life, not just in the moment.”

“I--” Castiel began, but stopped to gather his thoughts. “I want what you and Amelia have. What you guys are building together. A life, a family-- to not wake up alone. I want someone to look at me the way that you look at Amelia. I want to love someone with my whole being, and to be loved equally in return.”

“Can you see that with Dean? You’ve already met, so you know he’s not lying about his looks,” Jimmy asked with a laugh. “Has Dean said or done anything that may have, I don’t know, sent up red flags?”

“Not that I can see. What if I’m romanticising this? I sem to do that. After Balthazar, I swore to myself that I wouldn’t let myself fall again. And, if Dean doesn’t want what I do, I will be devastated, but I know I made a friend. What if I lay it all on the line, and then our friendship suffers? I was going to use tomorrow as a way to gauge whether or not I should put myself out there, but it doesn’t seem to be happening. Now, I don’t know what to do.”

“Fuck Balthazar. He was a self absorbed piece of shit. If you want Dean, go after Dean. Or slow down and figure it out. Keep Balthazar out of it. It is a completely different situation with a completely different person. Text that number, bro.”

“You’re right. That is the first step,” Castiel said, as he began texting the number from the caller ID. 

*************************


	5. Electronic Communication

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which our boys embark on more immediate forms of communication.

**Text Conversation, December 25, Early Evening**

> _ Buzz--buzz _
> 
> 555-324-1056- I hope that this is your cell phone number. I got it off the caller ID. I forgot to give you my cell number. This is it.
> 
> 555-324-1056- This is Castiel, by the way. 
> 
> Dean- Hey Cas! 
> 
> Castiel- Hello Dean. I hope this is okay.
> 
> Dean- Keeping our correspondence in letters was your idea. Are you saying you’re ready to move on from letters to other forms of communication then?
> 
> Castiel- I have been ready. I was waiting for you to send me your number. I was going to ask for it at dinner tomorrow. There have been several instances when I have wanted to share something with you immediately, only to have to wait to put it in a letter.
> 
> Castiel- Or forget all together by the time I get to writing a letter.
> 
> Dean- Yeah. Me too. My number was in my first letter to you, silly. 
> 
> Castiel- Really?
> 
> Dean- Yes really. And, I was waiting for you to give me yours. 
> 
> Dean- So, we were both waiting on the other. Let’s stop doing that, okay?
> 
> Castiel- Agreed.

****  


 

**Text Conversation, December 29, Early Evening**

> Castiel- Just so we’re on the same page, what is the nature of our relationship as of now?
> 
> Dean- That depends. 
> 
> Castiel- On what?
> 
> Dean- On what you’re looking for. 
> 
> Castiel- What do you want?
> 
> Dean- What do YOU want? I don’t want to put any pressure on you, but you started this. 
> 
> Castiel- I did. But before I admit anything embarrassing, or anything that could change our friendship negatively, I’d like to know how you are feeling. 
> 
> Dean- Sam’ll tell ya that I was unusually attached to the mailbox since we started writing each other. I’ll admit to caring a whole hell of a lot about you. 
> 
> Castiel- I feel the same, Dean. You can tell Sam that you are not the only one that has been obsessed with the mail. 
> 
> Dean- Shit. G2G. Evie is puking. TTYL
> 
> Castiel- Bye! Talk soon.
> 
> Castiel- Or text as the case may be. :)
> 
> Dean- <3

**Text Conversation, December 30, 9:30 p.m.**

> Castiel- Oh! Before I forget, is Evelyn okay?
> 
> Dean- Yah. Kids don’t stay sick for long. 
> 
> Dean- Hold on, she’s coming downstairs. 
> 
> Castiel- Okay.
> 
> Castiel- It has been 15 minutes. Is everything okay?
> 
> Dean- Yeah. She was up reading and got thirsty. She came down for a drink and we talked for a minute. My girl is very observative- well as much as a 7 year old can be. She said that it sucks that it was snowing and I couldn’t go and see you in Wichita. 
> 
> Dean- I may have been pouting. 
> 
> Cas- I was disappointed too. What did you hope would happen?
> 
> Dean- I really had no expectations. I thought we’d have dinner. Talk. I’d give you the present I have for you. Which I sent, btw.
> 
> Castiel- I sent yours and Evelyn’s too. Yesterday. 
> 
> Castiel- So, you only wanted to have dinner and talk? 
> 
> Dean- Well, I guess I wanted to see if we clicked again. That night in my bar was so long ago, but it still could have been a fluke. What about you?
> 
> Castiel-  I doubt it was a fluke, Dean. At least, I hope it wasn’t. 
> 
> Dean: I can feel you rolling your eyes at me. 
> 
> Dean- You didn’t answer the question. 
> 
> Castiel- I was hoping to spend time with you. Learn more about Evelyn. You don’t talk about her much in your letters. I had hoped that we’d talk much like we are now. 
> 
> Dean- Ah. So same hopes, really.
> 
> Castiel- Yeah. 
> 
> Castiel- I have to run, Dean. Sorry to cut this short.
> 
> Dean- No prob. TTYL

**Text Conversation, January 2, Late afternoon**

> Dean- Jesus, Cas. You’re talented. And to draw me as some sort of bartending superhero, just I can’t get over it. Thank you. Sam was totally jealous. 
> 
> Dean- And Ev made me hang the piece you sent her on her wall above her bed, RIGHT AWAY. She was so excited. 
> 
> Dean- Thank you so much.
> 
> Castiel- Sorry, I am in a meeting. You’re more than welcome, Dean. I am glad you enjoyed the gifts. 
> 
> Castiel- I have to get back. Our publisher is being impossible about our upcoming deadline. Gabriel isn’t sure he’s going to be able to finish the story. And, without the story, I can’t get started on the artwork. We’re trying to get an extension…
> 
> Dean- Well, don’t let me stop you. Go get ‘em, Tiger!
> 
> Castiel- ha-ha
> 
> Castiel- Talk later. 
> 
> Dean- of course <3
> 
> Castiel- :)

****  


**Text Conversation, January 4, 9:30 A.M.**

> Castiel- Thank you, Dean. It is a thoughtful gift. 
> 
> Dean- I didn’t know if you used charcoal pencils, but Charlie draws fanart sometimes and she likes those kind. Plus, I knew what you drank. 
> 
> Castiel- neither gift will go to waste. 
> 
> Dean- I’m glad. I’m driving though. Talk later?
> 
> Castiel- Of course! Don’t text and drive!
> 
> Dean- <3
> 
> Castiel- :)

**Text conversation, February 14, 6:30 P.M.**

> Dean- Hey! What are you doing?
> 
> Castiel- Not much. Playing with Jasper.
> 
> Castiel- <Image attached>
> 
> Dean- Cute! Want to try to Skype with me?
> 
> Castiel- Sure. I am all set up. Gabriel and I use it all the time. My skype name is Castiel.Novak
> 
> Dean- Easy enough. Give me a minute and I’ll ring you… through the computer… if I can figure it out.
> 
> Castiel- I have faith in you.
> 
> Dean- I don’t have faith in me.
> 
> Castiel- Hurry up. 
> 
> Dean- Shit, fine. 
> 
> Dean- It is downloading. 
> 
> Castiel- Finally
> 
> Dean- Shit, I need Evie’s help. I can’t get the camera to turn on.
> 
> Castiel- Hahahaha
> 
> Dean- Shut up. 
> 
> Dean- I don’t really mean for you to shut up. 
> 
> Castiel- Good. I can’t wait to see you.
> 
> Dean- Same. Ev is working on it. 
> 
> Dean- She says it is ringing.

**Skype Call**

_ Ring ring _

“Dad! There is a very cute, intense looking guy on the computer screen!”

Castiel chuckled and heard a muffled reply but didn’t understand what was said.

“Hello,” Castiel said to break the awkward silence. “You must be Evelyn. I have heard much about you.”

“You must be Cas. My dad talks about you a lot,” she replied. “He just ran to the bathroom. He’ll be here in a minute. Well, unless he has to go twosies, then he could take forever.”

Castiel grinned and looked at the girl on the monitor. She was pretty, with freckled skin and red hair that was in a lopsided ponytail. She had brown cat-eye glasses perched on her nose. But what really caught Castiel’s attention was her striking green eyes. He remembered those eyes. They were the exact shade as her father’s.

“You’re a very pretty girl,” Castiel said and then mentally face-palmed. “I hope that wasn’t creepy.”

She just laughed and shook her head. “Nah. It’s okay. Dad’s coming now though. I’ll let you talk to him.”

“Okay. It was a pleasure meeting you.”

“Yeah. Samesies.”

“Did you get it, Ev?” Castiel heard Dean ask. 

“Yeah. Here you go,” she said but before she passed the laptop over, she looked at the monitor again and said. “See ya, Cas!”

“Bye Evelyn. I hope we can talk again soon.”

“I’m sure we will,” she said to Castiel knowingly. Then to her dad, “I’ll just go up to my room and read.”

“Okay, Ev. Love ya.” Dean said as he came on screen. “Hi Cas! God, you’re still hot.”

Castiel laughed. “You too, Dean. It is good to see you.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Cas.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t even realize it was Valentine’s Day.”

“Not to worry, man. I only remembered because I had to help Ev fill out eighteen of those crappy Valentines last night for her class party. At least I talked her into the Star Wars ones. It could have been worse. I sent you a card today, but it’ll be late.”

“That wasn’t necessary, but sweet all the same. I will keep an eye out, and appreciate it when it arrives. I appreciate the thought now though. I would have done something for you, but I didn’t know it was Valentine’s Day and that we were exchanging things--"

“Cas, slow down. It is fine. Seriously. I only sent you a crappy card. Now. Have you had dinner?”

“Not yet. It isn’t quite six here.”

“I know. I hope you like Chinese.”

**_Ding Dong_ **

“Perfect timing.”

“Hold on, Dean. There’s someone at the door.”

“G’head. I’ll still be here when you get back.”

“Dean--”

“That was quick.”

“How’d you do this?”

“Wasn’t hard. Charlie helped. She has mad skills.”

“You bought me dinner.”

“Well, it’s as close to a Valentine’s date as I can get for ya. What to do you say? Wanna have dinner with me?”

“Of course. Dean, this is the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for me.”

“I’m sure that’s not true. I kind of just threw this together this afternoon. I hope I ordered from the right place. Charlie read about a thousand Yelp reviews trying to make sure it wasn’t going to poison ya.”

“It’s wonderful, Dean. How’d you know I’d like the beef and broccoli?”

“Well there’s also shrimp lo mein, and sweet and sour chicken. I got a variety to make sure to get something you’d like.”

“All my favorites, I swear. I’ll be eating this for days. Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. I got the same. I was hoping you’d watch a movie with me after dinner. Unless you’re busy that is.”

“No I’d really like that, Dean. What did you have in mind?”

“Let’s eat and we’ll choose something on Netflix. Deal?”

“Sounds like a plan. Tell me about your day…” 

**Text Conversation, February 15, Noon**

> Castiel- Thank you again for last night. It was the best date I’ve been on.
> 
> Dean- You’re welcome. It was fun.  But, I still think you’re wrong about Cap’n America, but I’ll let it slide. 
> 
> Castiel- I mean, he’s good looking and all, but I am just not into him. Thor is much more attractive. 
> 
> Dean- Agree to disagree.
> 
> Castiel- Fine. 
> 
> Castiel- I sent you something, by the way. 
> 
> Dean- You didn’t have to do that. 
> 
> Castiel- I couldn’t not. 
> 
> Dean- Well, thank you then. I’ll keep an eye out for it. 
> 
> Castiel- Great!
> 
> Dean- We should skype more often.
> 
> Castiel- I’d like that.
> 
> Dean- When is good for you?
> 
> Castiel- Maybe not every week, I wouldn’t want to get into something and then have to cancel or disappoint you by being a no-show.
> 
> Dean- I hear ya. Weekends are balls for me too. I’m a bar owner. I’m always at work on the weekends. 
> 
> Castiel-Thursdays? Every other week, maybe?
> 
> Dean- I can make that work. It’s a date!
> 
> Castiel- Yes, it’s a date. 

**Text conversation, February 20, Evening**

> Castiel- You said you only sent a card. 
> 
> Dean- There’s a card there
> 
> Castiel- Technicalities, Dean.
> 
> Castiel- There is also a pie. And chocolates.
> 
> Dean- Yeah. I hope you like them
> 
> Castiel- Wait? Did you make these?
> 
> Dean- … Yes?
> 
> Castiel- Dean!
> 
> Dean- You made me into a comic for Christmas. I could never top that. 
> 
> Castiel- Just know that what I sent you pales in comparison. 
> 
> Dean- I doubt it. But, didn’t we decide at Christmas to not try to one-up each other and just be grateful for what someone has sent the other?
> 
> Castiel- Indeed we did, Dean. 
> 
> Castiel- In that case, thank you. 
> 
> Dean- You’re welcome. 
> 
> Castiel- I’m having pie for dinner.
> 
> Dean- that sounds fuckin’ delicious!
> 
> Dean- Shit! G2G, bar fight. Talk tomorrow.
> 
> Castiel- Of course. Be safe! Good night, Dean.
> 
> Dean- <3
> 
> Castiel- :)

**Text Conversation, February 21, Early Afternoon**

> Dean- Jesus, Cas. You didn’t have to.
> 
> Castiel- It wasn’t anything. It was fun.
> 
> Dean- You sent me a drawing. Of ‘The Wizard of Oz’ 
> 
> Castiel- I did. Well, you’re from Kansas. And, after we were done on Skype, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. 
> 
> Dean- It is so awesome. Thank you.
> 
> Castiel- You’re welcome. 
> 
> Dean- I’m going to hang it in the bar. 
> 
> Castiel- :)
> 
> Castiel- I’m in a meeting. Talk later?
> 
> Dean- Of course!
> 
> Dean- <3
> 
> Castiel- :)

**Text Conversation, April 15, Early morning.**

> Castiel- Dean?
> 
> Castiel- You up?
> 
> Castiel- Of course you’re not up. It is 4 in the morning there.
> 
> Dean- Babe? Its like butt-ass early. Everything okay?
> 
> Castiel- Yes! I’m so sorry if I woke you up.
> 
> Dean- Nope. Was up. Baking bread. 
> 
> Castiel- Are YOU okay? 
> 
> Dean- Yes. Just thinking. Nothing too heavy, but kneading bread helps work out my thoughts. Calms the mind, ya know?
> 
> Dean- Nevermind about me. Why are you up?
> 
> Castiel- I’m an uncle, Dean. Amelia had her baby.  A girl that they named Emily Rose. 
> 
> Dean- You’re kidding right? 
> 
> Castiel- No. That is her name. It’s beautiful. She’s beautiful.
> 
> Castiel- <Image Attached>
> 
> Dean- Awww she is so pretty. 
> 
> Dean- But, didn’t your brother google the name before he put it on the birth certificate?
> 
> Castiel- Why?
> 
> Dean- There’s a movie called ‘The Exorcism of Emily Rose’ 
> 
> Castiel- Oh my. 
> 
> Dean- Well, if she’s a cranky baby then you could suggest to your brother that she needs an exorcism, or something. 
> 
> Castiel- Oh, ha-ha Dean. 
> 
> Dean- She really is a beautiful baby, though, Cas. Congrats on becoming an uncle. 
> 
> Castiel- Thank you, Dean. I’m sorry for texting so early. I think I need to go to bed though. I’m a little loopy.
> 
> Dean- Good night, Cas. <3
> 
> Castiel- Good night, Dean. :)

**Text Conversation, June 6, 6 PM**

> Castiel- <Image Attached>
> 
> Dean- Hey Cas! Who’s that? 
> 
> Castiel- Hi, Dean. We haven’t formally met, but it’s Jimmy. That’s my super hot brother, with my daughter Emily.
> 
> Castiel- I only know he’s super hot, because I’m super hot, and we’re identical. So…
> 
> Dean- Haha. I think Cas is hotter, but I’m probably biased. Or something. 
> 
> Castiel- Or something… Haha
> 
> Dean- Anyway… Hi Jimmy. I’ve heard a lot about you. Congrats on the new kid. 
> 
> Castiel- Thanks! She’s coming up on six weeks old, and I just got her favorite uncle here to meet her. 
> 
> Dean- Wait? What? Cas is there?
> 
> Castiel- Cassie didn’t tell you he was coming? 
> 
> Dean- No. I talked to him last night, on Skype, and he didn’t mention it. 
> 
> Dean- I could have driven to Wichita or something. I could still drive there, but he obviously doesn’t want to see me. 
> 
> Castiel- Shit-- sorry
> 
> Dean-  Not your fault, man. 
> 
> Dean- Have fun with your brother, and cuddle that baby for me. 
> 
> Castiel- Wait--
> 
> Dean- Nah, it’s okay. Thanks for the pic. 
> 
> Castiel- It’s Castiel. Can I call you? Jimmy seems to be under the impression that you are upset with me.
> 
> Dean- I’d rather you not call right now. I am more than upset, Cas. 
> 
> Castiel- I don’t understand what I did. 
> 
> Dean- That makes it worse. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, maybe. I just--I just can’t right now. 
> 
> Castiel- Dean--
> 
> Dean- Not now.
> 
> Castiel- okay, I’ll contact you tomorrow then. Goodnight, Dean.

**Text Conversation, June 7, Midmorning**

> Castiel- Jimmy explained to me what I had done wrong. 
> 
> Castiel- Dean, I’m sorry. Can I call you?
> 
> Castiel- Dean?

**Later that afternoon**

> Castiel- Dean? I’ve tried to call, and text. I need to talk to you some way.

**Text Conversation, June 8, Late Afternoon**

> Castiel- I’m not giving up on you. I’ve sent several texts. 
> 
> Castiel- You have to talk to me sometime.

**Text Conversation, June 9, Early morning**

> Dean- Cas, hopefully, you’re asleep. I want to write to you without you interrupting. Then we can talk tomorrow, after Ev goes to bed and get it out, I guess. I was, AM, pissed at you, Cas. But, I’m more pissed at me. I thought we were on the same page with what we are doing with each other, but I guess I was wrong. I would have moved heaven and earth to see you if you were anywhere close to me, especially since we don’t get to the same part of the country very often. But, since you didn’t call, or let me know you were coming, I guess you don’t feel the same. It’s okay. I get it. 

**Text Conversation, June 9, Late evening**

> Castiel- Can you talk now?
> 
> Dean- Sure
> 
> Castiel- okay, I’m calling you then. I need to hear your voice
> 
> Dean- Fine.

**_Ring Ring_ **

“Hey, Cas. How are you?”

“Not great, Dean. I am so sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about. It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine. You didn’t talk to me for days.”

“I had to get my head on straight. I told you that. Fuck, Cas, I was upset, but I realized that it was my own fault for blowing our friendship way out of proportion. I get it. You aren’t ready. You don’t trust me yet--”

“Dean! That’s not it. I swear. I’m sorry. But, I didn’t think you wanted me to…”

“To what, Cas? God. I just don’t start writing random men  _ handwritten letters  _ for fun. And then to continue to write you… fuck. I thought-- nevermind. I should go. Get some sleep or whatever.”

“You're not – you're not angry with me, are you?”

“Guess not, no.”

“Yes you are! Really, Dean, you're just –"

“What? What am I, Cas?”

“Nothing. Go sleep. I'll text you.”

“But – fucking hell, Cas. Guess we'll talk later, then.”

“Castiel? Don’t know why you’re mad. I wasn’t the one that was inconsiderate. But, fine. See ya around. ‘Cept I won’t, because you don’t tell me when you’re coming.” 

“Whatever, Cas. Fucking, whatever.”

**_click_ **

**Text Conversation, June 10, 3 P.M.**

> Dean- Cas? Cassssssie?
> 
> Castiel- It's three in the afternoon, Dean. Are you drunk?
> 
> Dean- not drunk.
> 
> Castiel- Of course not. What happened?
> 
> Dean- Charlie’s came over!
> 
> Castiel- And you got day drunk?
> 
> Dean- What – nooo, Cas, las night.
> 
> Castiel- And you're still drunk? Impressive.

**Buzz-Buzz**

Cas felt the phone vibrate in his hands. He and Dean didn’t talk much on the phone, preferring to text now, but phone calls had happened. After the cold shoulder he had been getting from Dean after the picture Jimmy sent of Cas in Kansas, Cas decided to answer and apologize again.  

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel said when he answered.

"'S how you don't get hung-over."

“What are you talking about?” Cas asked. 

“You stay drunk, and you don’t get hung-over, Cas. I took a bottle of your favorite, to Charlie’s and we got drunk,” Dean said, words slurring slightly. “Or Charlie came here. I didn’t drive.”

"I would think a more effective way would be not getting drunk in the first place, but who am I."

"You're Cas. Super-sexy Cas."

"… right. Should I call you later?"

"Noooo! Talk to me, Cas. I like your voice and I don’t hear it ‘nough."

"You –you do?"

"Sure! 'S like a pillow. Fluuuffy pillow with peanut butter."

"What?"

"So soft. An' tasty."

"My voice is tasty?"

"You're tasty."

"Oh."

"Ugh, Cas, I don't feel so good."

"What –"

"I think I'm gonna –"

"Dean, tell me you didn't just puke. While on the phone with me."

"Sorry, super sexy Cas.”

"We should get on Skype. 'M naked."

"You're what?"

"Na-ked."

"Dean."

"Cas."

"Why would you be drunk and naked at three in the afternoon?"

"Dunno."

"Where’s Evelyn?”

“With Jo in Kansas City. They’ll be back ‘morrow.”

“Good. I want you to throw away any alcohol you still have laying around. And clean up your puke."

"'Kay."

"…"

"Hi, Cas."

"Done?"

"Yeah."

"Good boy. Now go wash your face and brush your teeth, and then, for christ's sake, put some clothes on and lay down. And don't hang up."

"But, Cas – "

"What now, Dean?"

"I can't –I can't brush my teeth and talk to you at the same time."

"Oh, alright – Leave the phone in your room. But don't turn it off; hurry!"

"Okay."

"Dean."

"Yeah?"

"You can go now."

"Oh. Okay, then."

"Honestly."

"…"

"You had better not be getting any drunker."

"…"

"And why would you be naked, anyway?"

"…"

"Since when does brushing your teeth take so long?"

"S–sorry. Tripped."

"Oh, there you are. Are you dressed?"

"'Course I am, Cas. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You did say you were naked."

"Oh. That. I thought you'd be mad at me? So, I tried to deflect."

"Why?"

"'Cause I didn't pick up when you called las' night."

"Weren't you with Charlie?"

"Didn't wanna talk to you."

"Oh."

"Didn't wanna think of you anymore."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"Didn't work. 'M always thinking of you. All the fucking time."

"I-is that so bad?"

"You don't want me."

"That’s not true. Dean, I – did you lie down?"

"Yeah, you told me to."

"Yes. Better now?"

"Yeah. Sorry I barfed on you."

"It's alright. You missed me."

"Oh. Good. Your eyes are very pretty."

"Oh?"

"They are. An' your hair. An' your pretty feet."

"I think you might have a bit of a fetish there, Dean."

"Nooo, jus' wanna kiss 'em."

"My feet? Well, I guess –"

"Your lips."

"Oh."

"Can I, Cas? Can I kiss 'em?"

"You – you –"

"Cas?"

"How drunk are you, still?"

"Lots."

"So, the chances of you remembering this when you're sober –"

"I prolly won't."

"Oh."

"Cas?"

"You – you can."

"What?"

"You can – you can kiss them."

"Who?"

"My lips, you big dumb meathead!"

"Ouch!"

"Sorry. That – that was uncalled for."

"Huh? Hurt my finger."

"What? How?"

"My zipper."

"What – what do you mean, your zipper?"

"Your voice makes me horny."

"…"

"Fuck yeah, that's better."

"D-Dean, what zipper is it?"

"Huh?"

"Is it… the one on your jacket?"

"My jeans."

"Oh. Oh."

"Ungh, Cas…"

"God, Dean…"

"I like it when you say my name like that."

"You – really?"

"Yeah. So sexy."

"I'm not – I'm not sexy."

"Yeah, you are. So fucking hot."

"Tell me?"

"Ugh, your legs. That ass, Cas."

"More, Dean."

"Such a nice ass."

"Oh…"

"I was watching, y'know?"

"W-what?"

"When you came into my bar. I watched you all night."

"'Re--really?"

"Loved your tie, all crooked."

"Mm-hmm?"

"Yeah. Your body, Cas, fuck. The way you moved…Like a cat, I hadn’t seen anything like it. I almost blew my load right then and there. You had me ready to come in my pants like fucking Sam. Oh- I’ll tell ya ‘bout that sometime. Hilarious."

"Don't – don't talk about him right now."

"Wish I'd kissed you that night, Cas. It is one of my biggest regrets…"

"Ungh…"

"You like it, don't you? That I want you so fucking much?"

"Yesss…"

"Know you do. Make me so hot, Cas, hot for you. All the time. You know what I'd do if you were here now?

"… what?"

"I'd wait till everyone was gone. Jus' you and me at the bar. All alone."

"Dean…"

"I'd get down on my knees for you, Cas, and I'd suck you right through your pants till you were coming in them."

"Ungh!"

"Then I'd put you on the bar. Get you out of those fucking clothes, but I'd leave your tie on. Love that tie."

"You could have –  god, Dean…"

"Yeah?"

"Tell me more, Dean."

"Alright, Bossy. Wanna know what I'd do next? I'd push you up against the bar, your fucking legs over my shoulders and I'd lick you clean. Till you were begging. You look so beautiful when you beg, Cas."

"I – I do?"

"Yeah. Dream of you. A lot. Bossing me around in bed then begging to make you come all over yourself."

"Tell me. Tell me, Dean, please!"

"I'd put you down, real slow, and you'd be all over me. Kissing me. Wanting me inside you, so I'd bend you over the bar and fuck you till you couldn't remember your own fucking name, Cas."

"Fuck, Dean!"

"I – ungh – I'd do you hard – but slow. Want you to feel me all over. Inside you. So you'd never forget it. Forget me."

"I would never forget you, Dean."

"N-never? Fuck, Cas…"

"Y-yes."

"Oh, fuck, Cas!"

"…"

"…"

"Dean?"

"'M here, Cas."

"Are – are you alright?"

"Fan-fucking-tastic…"

"Oh. Me – me too."

"I love you, Cas."

"Oh, Dean…"

"'M really sleepy, now."

"It's alright. Sleep. I – I'll text you tomorrow. You had better be sober by then."

"'Kay, Cas. G'night."

"It's the middle of the afternoon."

"…"

"Goodnight, Dean."

**Text Conversation, July 1, 10pm**

> Castiel- We need to talk. 
> 
> Castiel- About us. 
> 
> Dean- So, there’s an ‘us’. 
> 
> Castiel- I guess. Unless you don’t want to be an ‘us’.
> 
> Dean- No, no. I would very much like there to be an us.
> 
> Castiel- Good. We’re on the same page then. I know we haven’t discussed it much, but what do you say we talk about what we’re looking for in a relationship.  
> 
> Dean- Well, he has to be hot. So, check.
> 
> Castiel- Dean… 
> 
> Dean- Castiel… 
> 
> Dean- I thought it the very first moment I saw you standing there with your tie all messed up and looking all down in the dumps. I didn’t like that look. So, I fed ya. Food always cheers me up. I’m bad about eating my feelings. Which is why I bake. 
> 
> Castiel- I got so drunk that night, but I remember you. And, then your letters… just proved how beautiful you are. I am very glad there is an us now. 
> 
> Castiel- I must warn you, that I have been drinking so my inhibitions are lowered. 
> 
> Dean- Gabe around making you drink too much wine again? 
> 
> Castiel- Yeah. But I think I drank just the right amount. I am not drunk, but I am pleasantly warm. 
> 
> Dean- Gotchya. So, now what do you expect from me? Now that there’s an us that is. 
> 
> Castiel- I can forgive almost anything, but not infidelity. I know that we don’t live anywhere near each other, but if we’re going to explore a relationship, I expect exclusivity. 
> 
> Dean- Done. Same goes for you then. If you get a bug up your ass and need some release, I expect a call and we can work it out together. I haven’t even so much as looked at anyone else since you walked in my bar. 
> 
> Castiel- Yet. 
> 
> Dean- No Cas. That is never anything you’re going to have to worry about. I have never cheated. And since we were getting to know each other, on text, and skype and even if it was only on paper, my right hand has been my only companion for those needs. 
> 
> Dean- I don’t know if you’re ‘it’ for me, but since we were whatever the hell we were doing, I don’t know, it just felt wrong… 
> 
> Castiel- Oh Dean.
> 
> Dean- You crying dude?
> 
> Castiel- You can get that from a text message?
> 
> Dean- I was teasing. But, I’m sorry if I made you cry. It wasn’t my intention. 
> 
> Castiel- I’m not crying. I haven’t been in a relationship where I haven’t been cheated on, so to read that-- from you-- makes some of my doubts disappear. I have never cheated either. 
> 
> Dean- Good. I trust you. 
> 
> Castiel- I trust you too. So, we’re exclusive?
> 
> Dean- We going steady? Wanna pin me? I’ll wear your letterman jacket. 
> 
> Castiel- I never got a letterman jacket. I did letter in track, but those jackets are hideous. 
> 
> Dean- I got one. I lettered in football… even back then I liked locker rooms.  
> 
> Castiel- I want to pin you more than you know. But, there’s a billion miles between us. So, you’re going to have to content yourself with your right hand. 
> 
> Dean- haha haha
> 
> Dean- but it’ll probably happen. 
> 
> Castiel- Dean! I was only joking.
> 
> Dean- Sex isn’t something to be ashamed of. I am a sexual being. I am sure you’re a sexual being too. Someday, we can be sexual beings together. 
> 
> Castiel- Dean--
> 
> Dean- your religious oppressive upbringing is showing through.
> 
> Castiel:- I was just going to say that I really want that. Someday. 
> 
> Dean- Me too, Cas. Me too. 

**Text Conversation, July 30, Midday**

> Castiel- Can I ask you something serious?
> 
> Dean- shoot. 
> 
> Castiel- What do you want me to be to Evelyn? Someday that is. 
> 
> Dean- What do you want to be? She’s my first priority. My everything. Hopefully you’ll be second. 
> 
> Castiel- I guess it would matter if she liked me. I think she does, if Skype is anything to go by.
> 
> Dean- She loves you, Cas. You don’t have to worry about that. 
> 
> Castiel- Then, if all goes well with us, I will eventually want it all with you. And that includes sharing parenting duties. I had never thought I’d be a father. At 35 and gay, it really never crossed my mind. But, seeing Jimmy and Amelia starting their family, I know that I want that. A family. 
> 
> Dean- Well, I come ready made. I have an awesome daughter and an annoying brother. I know Evie thinks the world of you. And it’s for selfish reasons that I’d want to hang with you before then. Not that I was making sure I could trust you with her. I never intended to be a single dad. And if you wanted to take on some of that, I’d be grateful. 
> 
> Dean- FYI- I have never felt that way about anyone else I was dating. You’re different. 
> 
> Castiel- I’m honored. 
> 
> Dean- I want what Sam and Jo have too. Someone to depend on, support, and love. 
> 
> Castiel- How are we going to do this long distance?
> 
> Dean- Honestly, I’m not sure. But, it’ll work out. 
> 
> Castiel- I admire your optimism. 
> 
> Dean- Can’t be anything but optimistic. Too happy to be negative. We’re on the same page. 
> 
> Castiel- Yes. I’ll try to not be a negative Nancy.
> 
> Dean- Good plan, babe. <3
> 
> Castiel- :)

**Text Conversation, August 15, Midnight**

> Gabriel: Cassie?
> 
> Castiel- Fuck, it’s midnight, Gabe. Go to bed. 
> 
> Gabriel- Can’t. Kali is here. Expecting entertainment. Forgot to mention something at our weekly meeting. 
> 
> Castiel- Well? It’s late. And, Dean is going to text anytime. 
> 
> Gabriel- Ohhh? Get some, Cassie. 
> 
> Castiel- Can it. 
> 
> Gabriel- You can do with some loosening up. Come on man. 
> 
> Gabriel- Anyway, meeting studio execs in Chi-town on the 28th. I’m getting my guest room ready for you. You’ll be busy here for a few weeks, I think. We’ll party it up.
> 
> Gabriel- OH YEAH! The publisher got us a panel at Comic Con too. Don’t make plans in July. 
> 
> Castiel- Okay, I’ll pencil in ‘Comic Con panel sometime’ all over the month of July. 
> 
> Castiel- And, no we won’t ‘party it up’, we will be working. I do appreciate your hospitality, though. I don’t want to put you out. I can get a hotel. 
> 
> Gabriel- That’s crazy. I won’t hear of it. You won’t win this argument. 
> 
> Castiel- Fine. 
> 
> Gabriel- <Image Attached>
> 
> Gabriel- MEOW
> 
> Castiel- I really did not need to see Kali in that. But, you go have fun. 
> 
> Gabriel- Oh, I will. 
> 
> Castiel- Good night. 
> 
> Gabriel- It will be an AWESOME night!

**Text Conversation, August 25, Early Evening**

> Dean- When do you think you’ll be out this way again? I’d like to try and see you. 
> 
> Castiel- Well, I have to be in Chicago on the 28th to meet with the studio execs. I don’t know my schedule there yet. I’m not used to answering to anyone really. Sure, I have deadlines, but I can usually work at my own pace in my own time. This TV deal is going to put a crunch on that. I’m sorry.
> 
> Dean- Hey! Don’t be sorry! You’re successful. I’m happy for you. 
> 
> Castiel- It is all rather exciting. Gabriel is over the moon. I’m just glad I won’t be doing any of the promoting alone. I’ll join him at a few bigger promotional events but I don’t have the schedule yet. There is talk of HC having a panel at Comic Con. 
> 
> Dean- You’re going to Comic Con?!
> 
> Castiel- Yeah. Want to go? I may be able to get you and Evelyn a pass. It’s in July. 
> 
> Castiel- That is months away, next year even. I’m assuming that we’ll still be together.
> 
> Dean- Shit dude. I would love to go. If you can’t get us the kushy pass, we can just get normal passes.
> 
> Dean- And, I’m in this for the long haul. There will still be an us then.
> 
> Castiel- I’m glad. 
> 
> Castiel- I don’t know how much I’ll be around the convention, since it’s work and I’ve never been apart of a panel before, but I would assume I will attend that and then my obligation would be over and I’d be free to spend time with you and Evelyn. 
> 
> Dean- Charlie is going to shit a brick when she learns that I’m exclusively dating a guy who is going to be on a panel at comic con. That is if I’m allowed to tell her. 
> 
> Castiel- Go for it. 
> 
> Dean- Sweet! And not just for gloating rights. With Benny, everything had to be secret. It was awful. I didn’t want to go through that again. 
> 
> Castiel- No. I am not ashamed to be with you. Tell whomever you like. 
> 
> Dean- Okay, good. Same goes for you. As for the distance, we’ll manage. 
> 
> Castiel- Yes, we will. 
> 
> Dean- It feel like everything is happening so fast… 
> 
> Castiel- We have been writing for months, Dean. Texting since Christmas. And skyping since Valentine’s. 
> 
> Castiel- And it isn’t as if we haven’t met. I know I was skittish at first, but you have shown you are honest and good. Honestly, you were able to alleviate a lot of my fears through your letters. 
> 
> Dean- Geeze, Cas. But, I’m glad you feel that way. G2G. <3
> 
> Castiel- :)

**Text conversation, September 14, Late afternoon.**

> Dean- Hey Cas, I havta cancel skype this week.
> 
> Castiel- Is everything okay?
> 
> Dean- Ya. everything’s cool.
> 
> Castiel- You sure? I’m around if you want to talk. 
> 
> Dean- Thanks. Nothin’ to worry about. Promise. G2G bar is busy & havta pick up Ev @ 6:30 
> 
> Castiel- Okay. Text later?
> 
> Dean- Yeah. TTYL <3
> 
> Castiel- :) Of course.   


	6. Finally in Person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which our boys finally are in the same place at the same time.

**Part 4** \--  **Finally In-Person (September 18)**

Castiel stood in front of Lucky Joe’s, utterly nervous. It was his birthday, four days after Dean cancelled their usually scheduled skype thing, and Dean was not expecting him. On Tuesday, he decided on a whim, while he was in Chicago for a business meeting, to drive down and surprise the man, and Castiel hoped that he would not be too disappointed. 

After the Christmas that included the unfortunate blizzard, the handwritten letters had dropped off, in favor of a more immediate form of communication. He and Dean spoke often through text and brief phone conversations. Then Valentine’s Day of last year, Dean asked to Skype, and Cas had agreed to meet him there at seven that evening. It was a shock to meet Evelyn on Skype that first night, she was helping Dean set up his account, but her calm nature called to his own and they hit it off famously. Dean was happy about that, and their Valentine’s Day Skype morphed into a standing bi-monthly thing, on Thursdays, often with Evelyn joining them for dinner and excusing herself to read or watch TV in her room giving her father and Castiel time to chat, or watch a movie together. This Skype evening was rarely cancelled, so when Dean texted a few days ago to cancel this week’s Skype thing, and on his birthday day, to boot, Castiel was crushed. 

Castiel didn’t know what to expect when he got to Kansas, but he hoped he would be favorably received. It was halfway through the drive when Castiel thought that maybe Dean had cancelled their regularly scheduled Skype thing for an actual in-person date. He  _ hoped _ that wasn’t the case, but he wasn’t sure. He almost turned around, but he had to see if the spark he remembered feeling almost a year ago was real, or was it a figment of his imagination. It was a long time to not be in the same place as someone he talked to on a daily basis. 

So, after over ten hours of driving, Castiel arrived in Lebanon and steered his rental towards Lucky Joe’s. Castiel was nervous. He was especially nervous because Dean’s car wasn’t in the parking lot behind the building. He had Dean’s address, so he just could go there, but he wasn’t comfortable just dropping in. He figured whoever was running the bar could call Dean and get him there to complete his surprise. 

“Come on,” he said to himself. “You can do this.”

After a deep cleansing breath, he pushed the door open. The cheery jingling bell above the door rang out. He walked over and sat on the exact stool that he sa on last time he was in the bar. The bartender working that afternoon wasn’t in sight, so he waited patiently. 

Looking around, Castiel noticed the Wizard of Oz piece he sent Dean for Valentine’s day proudly on displayed above the cash register. He also noticed the cake stand stood empty this afternoon. And added to the wall of pictures to the left of the register, he noticed the photo of himself and his baby niece was added and nicely framed-- prominently displayed even. It made him feel included. Castiel smiled, realizing he felt quite at home at Lucky Joe’s. 

After a few moments a tall, skinny man walked out of the back room. The man’s face broke out into a huge smile and he looked over to where Castiel was sitting. “Hello! I’m sorry, I didn’t hear the bell. Name’s Garth. What can I get you?” 

Castiel cleared his throat. “Uh- sure. I’m- um- here to surprise Dean. D’ya think you could call him and get him here for me?”

Garth gave him a funny look. “Are you Cas?”

Castiel nodded and at the confirmation, Garth grabbed the Jameson 12 year and poured him a glass. Castiel laughed. “How’d you know?”

The man pointed to his picture on the wall. “Dean talks about’cha a lot. All good, promise! That’s on the house,” Garth said as he pointed at the drink Castiel was sipping. “I’ll be back in a second.”

Castiel watched as Garth walked back to the backroom and was only gone a few minutes before he returned. Garth nodded and smiled as he walked out to clear out empty bottles and glasses. 

He continued to sip on the smooth whiskey. A few minutes later, Sam walked in. 

“Castiel!” Sam said with a smile. “This is a surprise.”

“That was the plan,” Castiel said with a grin. “Is Dean on his way?”

Sam laughed a little. “Yeah. He’s on his way to your house in California!”

“What?!” Castiel exclaimed. 

“Yeah he left two days ago. Apparently, you guys had the same idea. He wanted to surprise you for your birthday,” Sam said with a grin.

“Well, shit!” Castiel said. 

“Don’t worry! Not all is lost. I talked to him just before I got here. He was just crossing into California. We have a few options here. Either you call him and tell him where you are, or I call him and get him to turn around and come back somehow, probably through nefarious reasons.”

“I’d rather not lie to him. His surprise is already ruined, so I may as well ruin my surprise too.”

“Excellent,” Sam said excitedly. “Let’s go to my place and you can call him from there!”

“You don’t have to put yourself out,”Castiel started. 

Sam interrupted, “Nonsense! I know a little girl who’d love to see you in person.”

“Maybe I should ask Dean if he’s comfortable with that before I go and overstep my boundaries with Evelyn,” Castiel said warily.

“I getchya,” Sam said with a smile. “I’m sure Dean’ll be okay with it, but right now Evie’s at Ellen’s. After you talk to Dean, we’ll go pick her up. Drink up!” 

Castiel smiled back and finished his drink. He tucked a twenty into the tip jar and stood. Sam waved at Garth as they exited the bar. They walked over to a large pick-up truck. 

“My car--” Castiel started. 

“Nobody’ll mess with it,” Sam said. “Get in!”

Castiel did as he was told. 

“So,” Sam started. “You guys need to work on your communication.”

Castiel laughed and nodded. “To be fair, it was really spur of the moment for me. I was in Chicago on business and instead of getting on the plane to go home, I found myself renting a car and driving this way.”

“Did Dean know you were in Chicago, though?”

“Yes. After the fiasco with Jimmy and the baby, I wasn’t going to risk it. Even if it was just an overnight trip. I was supposed to fly back the day before yesterday. Gabriel refused to let me video in and wanted me there in person when we talked to a couple that wanted to create a bakery based on HC.”

“That’s awesome, man! I’m sure Dean’ll want to take Evie,” Sam said excitedly. 

It wasn’t long before Sam pulled up to a medium sized house in a quiet neighborhood. He turned and grinned at Castiel, motioning to the house, “Welcome to my home! Come in and you can ring Dean.”

“Thank you! I’m anxious to call him,” Castiel said with a frown. 

“Dean is going to love it,” Sam said with a pat to Castiel’s shoulder. “It was very thoughtful.”

“Alright, if you say so. I’m going to call him now.”

Sam smiled and nodded. “I’ll make myself scarce. I’ll be in the living room if you need me.”

Castiel nodded and pulled out his phone. 

**_Ring-ring_ **

“Hey Cas! Everything okay? You usually text before you call.”

“Hello Dean! Everything’s fine. What are you up to?”

“Uh, nothing.” 

“Uh- huh. Sounds like you’re driving. Where are you headed”

“Home. I’m headed home. Where are you?”

“I’m in  **_a_ ** home.” 

“O-kay.”

“Dean, you sound nervous.” 

“I’m fine. Promise.”

“Okay. Anyway, I have to tell you something. Can you pull over somewhere?”

“Yeah. Give me a sec. Okay. I’m stopped. What’s going on?”

“Okay, I don’t know how this happened. But, I know you’re headed to my house.”

“What? How?”

“I’m at Sam’s right now.” 

“What?”

“Sam said you’d react favorably to this mishap.” 

“Of course I would! How long are you going to be at Sams? For the record, I am amazed that you’re there. And, we basically had the same idea.”

“I’m not going anywhere for a week or two. My schedule’s open for a while.” 

“That’s awesome, babe! I’m going to head back now.”  

“Okay, I’ll have Sam take me to the motel to check in and keep me apprised of your whereabouts please.” 

“Why don’t you stay at my place. Ev is staying with Sam, so you won’t have to worry about her and you’ll definitely be more comfortable.” 

“I don’t want to be a burden…”

“Don’t be crazy, babe. This way, you can make sure to have dinner ready when I get back. I’m kidding…You don’t have to cook for me. You’re being really quiet. You there?”

“Yeah, I’m here. Sorry. I was thinking.”

“About what, babe?”

“Would it be completely overstepping if Evelyn and I hung out while you drive back home? I know you’re like two days away, but if I’m staying at your place anyway, Evelyn can help me find everything, and sleep in her own bed, and--”

“Cas, sweetheart, yuu are more than welcome to hang out with Ev. She would love it.”

“If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure. I’d better go and concentrate on getting home as quickly as possible. Get Sam to drive you to my place, and you just relax and help yourself to anything.”

“Drive safe! Make sure you take breaks, and stop for the night. I don’t want you to get into an accident trying to get here too quickly.”

“I’ve never been in an accident in my life, Cas. I’ll be fine.”

“Just-- be careful.. See you soon, Dean.”

“Bye Cas. Oh! And Happy Birthday!”

“Thanks you, Dean!”

**_Click_ **

Castiel walked into Sam’s living room. Sam looked up from the book he was reading. “Everything alright?” he asked.

“Yes. You were correct. Dean found the irony and humor in the situation.”

“Told ya!” Sam said cheerfully. 

“Anyway, thank you for rescuing me. I know Evelyn was supposed to stay with you while Dean was out of town, but now that Dean is on his way back, he has agreed to let her stay at his home with me. I’d like the chance to get to know her without the buffer of the computer or her father,” Castiel said.

“I get that. I know you talk to her a lot, which is why I knew Dean’d be cool,” Sam said. “Plus, I’m right down the street, so if anything goes wrong, I’ll be readily available.”

“Thank you,” Castiel said with a smile. “I am really looking forward to spending time with her.”

“Well, let’s go get her then!” Sam said excitedly. “You’ll get to meet Ellen too!”

Castiel and Sam piled into Sam’s truck and within five minutes they were at a small house. The men exited the car and walked up the freshly shoveled path to the front door. Without knocking, they entered.

“Ellen, Evie?” Sam called out.

“In here Uncle Sam,” a voice called out from the back of the house. 

“They’re in the kitchen,” Sam informed Castiel. “Follow me.”

Castiel nodded and fell in behind Sam.  

The back of the house opened up into a nice sized country style eat-in kitchen complete with blue gingham curtains. Evelyn looked up from her laptop and broke out into a grin! “Uncle Sam! You brought Cas! Wait, isn’t Dad going to go see Cas? I’m confused,” she said with a slight frown. “Crap, that was supposed to be a surprise.”

Sam laughed and Castiel saw him motion to him to explain. “Well, Evelyn, it seems that your father and I had the same idea. I’m here to surprise him.”

“That’s awesome,” she said with a giggle, ran over to Castiel and threw her arms around him. 

Castiel looked down at the girl, patted her back gently, and smiled. “I agree. However, we had to spoil our surprises, unfortunately. Dean said it would be okay for me to stay at your home while he drives back. Would you mind terribly playing hostess and staying with me?”

“Sure! We can make pizza!”

“Or we can go buy a pizza? I’m sad to say that I’m not that great of a cook.” 

“That will be cool! I’m so excited. Let me go tell Grandma Ellen! I’ll BRB!”   

Castiel looked at Sam and smiled. “That went better than I thought.”

Sam nodded and looked like he wanted to say something, but shook his head. Just then, Evelyn bounced through the doorway with a woman in her late fifties trailing behind her. She was a beautiful woman, but she looked tough as nails. Definitely someone Castiel didn’t want to cross. 

She looked at Castiel a moment but then smiled kindly. “You must be Castiel,” she said. “Dean and Evelyn have spoke of nothing but you for a while now. I’m glad to meet you. Evelyn said she is going to stay with you at her place while Dean drives back?”

“Yes. I hope that is okay.” 

“Well, if Dean trusts ya, then I trust ya. I’ll swing by with breakfast in the morning, okay?” 

“That would be much appreciated. Thank you, Ellen.”

“Thanks, Ma. I’m going to get them out of your hair now. You ready, Ev? Castiel?” Sam asked. 

“Yes. Can we stop and get my rental? Evelyn and I can follow you back to Dean’s house if that’s okay?”

“Sure thing! Let’s go!” Sam said excitedly. 

Castiel, Evelyn and Sam all hugged Ellen goodbye, left her house, and piled into Sam’s truck. 

“What do you want to do while we wait for dad, Cas?” Evelyn asked. 

“My schedule is pretty open, Evelyn. What would you like to do?” Castiel asked back. Sam sniggered at him. Castiel looked at the clock and saw that it was only four in the afternoon. He looked at Sam and asked. “Is there an art supply store somewhere within driving distance?”

“No. There’s a Wal-Mart about forty-five miles away. You may find stuff at the hardware store in town. It’s not massive, but it has paint and stuff,” he answered. “We can stop there before we get your car.”

“Paint is perfect. Would you like to paint with me, Evelyn?”

“Yes!” she squealed. 

“I’ll call your father and get the okay then.”

“Oh, dad won’t care. Let’s make it a surprise,” she said with a grin. 

Castiel looked at Sam for confirmation. He nodded in agreement. “Okay, I won’t mention it.”

Sam laughed, “I’m pretty sure anything you do, Dean will love. He’s a pretty easy-going guy.”

“I know. I just don’t want to overstep,” Castiel replied warily. 

“You aren’t. I promise,” Sam said as he pulled into a space off the street in front of the hardware store. 

The three went in and began to look around. The man behind the counter looked up and smiled. “Hi Sam, Evie-monster! How are ya today? Who is this?” he asked. 

Sam smiled, “Hey Frank. This is Castiel.”

Frank’s eyebrows shot up into his receding hairline. “Castiel? Dean’s Castiel? I thought--”

“Yeah, dad was going to see him in California, but he decided to come see dad at the same time,” Evelyn said with a giggle. “Dad’s on his way home now.”

Frank laughed, loud and booming. “Got yer wires crossed, eh?”

Castiel smiled and nodded. He was bewildered. It seemed that everyone already knew him here. Sam must have noticed his confusion, because he whispered, “You’re important to Dean. He talks about you to anyone who’ll listen.”

Castiel stored that bit of information away in his brain to contemplate later. Dean was a lot more serious about him than Castiel thought. 

Before he could really freak out, Frank asked, “What are you looking for?”

Castiel shook his head and looked at the burly man. “Paint, brushes, canvas?” 

“I don’t have stretched canvas readily available, but I can probably come up with a roll.”

“That’s fine. I prefer to stretch my own.”

“Well, I don’t really carry fancy oil paints, or watercolors, but--”

“No problem, Frank, really. We can make do with interior wall paint?”

“Yeah! We got that, and I can mix you anything you’d like. Let me show ya what I’ve got!”

Sam grabbed a cart as Frank motioned to the back of the store which was lined with tubs of paint. He went down an aisle and came back with a roll of canvas, a box of penny nails, and several lengths of flat wood pieces. 

“This is a five yard roll of canvas, will that do?”

“That’s plenty! Thank you!” Castiel said with a smile as he turned to Evelyn. “Apple green is your favorite color, right?”

Evelyn nodded and smiled.

“Well, lets see what we got.” Castiel picked up a matte white tub and added it to the cart and added several other colors. He saw some sample colors, and added several of those in a multitude of colors in both glossy and matte finishes. He went and got several different sizes of brushes and a few drop clothes, to keep things neat. He added a bucket and some turpentine. “Does Dean have a staple gun?” he asked Sam.

“Dean has every tool ever imagined,” Sam replied with a laugh. 

“Good, good. This should do it then.” Castiel grabbed Evelyn’s hand and said, “Let’s go paint!”

Evelyn smiled and bounced a little in excitement. 

They paid and Sam drove them over to Lucky Joe’s to pick up his rental. He hopped out, climbed in to follow Sam to Dean’s house. When they arrived, Sam helped unload the paint supplies, let them inside, giving Castiel the key off his keyring. With a “see ya tomorrow,” Sam left to go home. Probably to gossip with his wife and snuggle his son. 

Castiel found a few frozen pizzas in the freezer and popped them in to cook. They then spent the evening gorging themselves on pizza as Castiel taught Evelyn how to stretch canvases and painting things to hang on her bedroom walls. 

Later that night, after Castiel caught Evelyn yawning several times, they split up to get ready for bed, and after Castiel brushed his teeth and changed into comfortable clothes to sleep in he walked to Evelyn’s bedroom and knocked.

“Come in,” she called. 

Castiel stepped in the room and crossed over to the bed and knelt down. “I had a good time with you today, Evelyn. Thank you for your hospitality.”

She giggled. “I want you to stay,” she said bluntly. “Daddy loves you, I think you’re great. Since you and daddy started talking, he hasn’t been so lonely.”

“Evelyn--”

“Cas, just think about it. I have asked Daddy about it, but he said something about not putting any pressure on you, and looked real sad.”

“I will think about it, sweetheart, and I will discuss it with your father.”

“I know it would make Daddy very happy. And after you move, you and Daddy can get me a brother or sister, so I won’t be so lonely!” Evelyn exclaimed excitedly. 

“One thing at a time, Evelyn. All of these plans you’re making take time. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Right now, though, it is time for bed. You father should be home by dinner time tomorrow.” 

“Alright. Good night, Cas.”

“Good night, sweet girl,” Castiel said as he backed out of the room. “Don’t stay up reading too late.”

“I won’t.”

Castiel turned off the light and went to the guest room to lay down. He pulled out his phone and shot off a text to Dean.

> Castiel- I just got Evelyn to bed. How long is she allowed to stay up to read?
> 
> Dean- You’re lucky you caught me. I am taking a pit stop. Since, it isn’t a school night, Ev is allowed to read until she falls asleep. I’m a night owl, so I will usually just flip her lamp off before I hit the hay. But it really doesn’t matter. She’ll pass out and not notice the light. 
> 
> Dean- You settled at my place okay?
> 
> Castiel- Yes. The guest room is quite comfortable. 
> 
> Dean- Shit, Cas, my bed is better than that old piece of crap. Go sleep there. 
> 
> Castiel- Dean--
> 
> Dean- I already talked to Sam about taking Ev tomorrow for a few days. Figured we need to talk.
> 
> Castiel- We do. 
> 
> Dean- Just because you sleep in my bed tonight, doesn’t mean anything has to happen tomorrow. 
> 
> Castiel- I know. 
> 
> Dean- Doesn’t mean I’m not hopeful…
> 
> Castiel- Me too. 
> 
> Dean- So, sleep in my bed and I will see you tomorrow. I am going to get back on the road. I can get a couple more hours in before I stop for some shut-eye.
> 
> Castiel- Keep me updated on your progress home tomorrow, Dean. Good night. 
> 
> Dean- Night, babe. 

Evelyn and Castiel spent the next day in easy camaraderie. Castiel found that Evelyn was very low maintenance which suited him fine. As long as he fed her, she was happy. After breakfast, they hung the paintings they created the day before on her walls and Castiel basked in the sense of pride that radiated from Evelyn as she looked at something she created being displayed.

Late in the afternoon, Sam stopped by to picked up Evelyn and, after Castiel promised that he would still be there when she came home, she left with him. Sam laughed heartily at that and welcomed Castiel to the family. “Once Evelyn has her hooks in you, you’re in, Castiel,” was his only response to Castiel confusion. 

It wasn’t long after Sam left with Evelyn that Castiel heard Dean pulled in the driveway and the garage door open. Castiel stood up from the kitchen table and waited. He heard Dean open the front door and call out, “Cas?”

“In the kitchen,” Castiel answered.

Dean must not have wasted any time walking to the kitchen because he was suddenly in the doorway sporting a huge smile. He was just as gorgeous as he remembered. 

“Hello Dean,” Castiel said. 

Dean didn’t say anything. He took three large steps to where Castiel stood, pulled him close, and kissed him hard. 

Castiel wasted no time kissing him back. Dean pressed him into the fridge and pressed his body against the other man’s. Castiel needed to breathe so he pulled back and looked at Dean.

“I have wanted to do that since the night you stumbled into my bar. I couldn’t wait a second longer.”

“I’m glad you didn’t wait. You hungry? I made spaghetti.”

“Sounds good.”

“We can talk over dinner, Dean.”

Dean nodded and went to get plates. It wasn’t long before they were sitting at the table eating. 

“Dean--” Castiel said as Dean said, “Don’t go” at the exact same second. 

“I have to go back, Dean.”

“At least give me a few days to convince you to stay before you run back to California. Fuck.”

“Dean--”

“I had hoped you felt the distance between us as sharply as I did, but I guess it was all in my imagination.”

“Dean--”

“I mean, why would you want to stay? Lebanon isn’t a shining metropolis. You have to drive an hour to get to the grocery store for fuck sake…”

“Dean--”

“I mean why would you want to stay? Do you even you love me? Why would you? I am just a bartender--”

“For fuck sake, Dean. Shut up,” Castiel yelled. “Let me talk.”

“Sorry,” Dean said properly chagrined. 

“First of all, I do love you. You are the best man I have ever known and I am grateful for the happenstance of meeting you. You have never pressed me into anything, least of all moving.”

“I never wanted to put any pressure on you.”

“And, I am very grateful about that. But, before your rant, I said that I needed to go back to California. But what you didn’t let me say was that I wasn’t going back to stay. I have to go back to put my house on the market, pick up my cat, pack and move. Do you know anywhere around here that is renting?”

“Fuck, Cas. Really?”

“Didn’t you hear the part about me loving you? I need to be close to you, too. The distance was killing me. It is why didn’t go home after my business meeting in Chicago. I couldn’t bare to go to back to my house when my heart was in Kansas.”

“Jesus, Cas, I love you too. And you don’t need to rent any place. I want, Evie and I, want you here with us. Please say you’ll move here.”

“Are you sure?”

“Didn’t you hear the part about me loving you back? I need you as close as possible,” Dean said, mirroring Castiel’s words. “We can turn the guest room into your office. No-- wait. How would you feel about working above a bar?”

“You’d let me rent the apartment above the bar?”

“Fuck no. I was going to suggest that we remodel it into an art studio. Except, I guess I can surprise you for your birthday. Uh-- I kind of converted it already. Over the summer. For you. In hopes that someday you’d want to make your home with me.” Castiel watched as Dean pulled out his cell phone and started flipping through pictures. “Happy Birthday, babe. What do you think?”

“I think it is perfect, Dean. Thank you. But, it really is too much. Let me reimburse you for materials, or pay rent, something.”

“No way, sweetheart. It’s done. If you insist on paying rent, I’ll take in kisses,” he said as he waggled his eyebrows suggestively. “I’ll take you over while you’re here to see what you think.” 

“Then, I guess I’m moving here. But I still need to sell my house and pack and is it okay if I have a cat here?”

“You just made Ev’s year,” Dean said with a nod. He stood, and pulled Castiel out of his chair and into his embrace. “Let’s go to bed. We can figure out logistics later.”

“It isn’t even dark, Dean.”

Dean laughed at Castiel, pushed him toward and up the stairs to the bedroom. He shoved Castiel on the bed and climbed next to him. “Jesus, babe, we’re not going to sleep. We just made our first major decision together, in person, and I figured that called for a celebration. A naked celebration.”

Castiel laughed and nodded. ”I guess it does.”

The end. 

**Epilogue**

> Dean- Hey babe. How long is this going to last?
> 
>  
> 
> Castiel- Not much longer if Gabriel can shut his mouth. There’s a Q/A session after Gabriel finishes talking. 
> 
>  
> 
> Dean- Free after that?
> 
>  
> 
> Castiel- Yes. I did all my book signings before the panel. 
> 
>  
> 
> Dean- Excellent. I feel weird being in this room right now. 
> 
>  
> 
> Castiel- HC isn’t your cup of tea, I know. It’ll be over in a bit and then we’ll find Evelyn and Charlie for dinner. 
> 
>  
> 
> Dean- Cool, love you. 
> 
>  
> 
> Castiel- I love you too, Dean.

Dean looked out at the crowd that formed for the Heavenly Confectionery panel at Comic Con. He was mighty proud of his boyfriend’s achievements. There was talk of a television series, and possibly a major motion picture. They probably talked about other things too, but Dean spaced out. 

He was shaken out of his reverie when Gabe finally shut his mouth and the moderator announced the start of the question-answer portion of the panel.

Dean stood, took a deep breath and joined the queue. The line moved quickly, and finally it was his turn. 

The moderator indicated that is was time for his question. 

He stepped up to the microphone and said, “My question is for the artist--”

“Dean--” Castiel started. “Everyone, this is my partner, Dean.” The crowd went wild and Castiel continued, “Anything he wants to ask me can be asked in private.”

“I was just going to ask where you got the recipe for the sweet potato cookies included in the last book. And, if they are going to be on the menu at the bakery in Chicago, geeze,” Dean said with over exaggerated sigh.

Gabriel looked at Dean and winked, “You created the recipe for the sweet potato cookies, Deano. And you created several of the HC recipes that are going to be used at the physical bakery. Why don’t you come up here and sit by your man.”

Dean smiled, nodded, and started toward the stage digging something out of his pocket. 

The moderator smiled and pulled out the chair next to Castiel. “Are you a baker, Dean?”

“Nah, I’m just a simple bartender,” he replied with a wink, and he dropped a small black box in front of Castiel.

“Bar owner, not tender. Bar owner. What is this, Dean?” Castiel asked. The crowd got so quiet, you could hear a pin drop. 

“Open it and see.”

Castiel picked up the box and slowly opened the lid. Nestled into a rich red satin were two origami rings, made out of money. A one hundred dollar bill each. 

“Dean--”

“So?”

“Wait? Are these the original two hundred dollars bills?”

“I figured if we were both going to be stubborn about it, we should just both have one. So?”

“So what?”

“They’re not really practical for everyday wear, but the sentiment is there.”

“You want me to wear a ring everyday? Dean, maybe we should have this conversation somewhere not in the middle of my Q&A panel at Comic Con.”

Gabriel cut in, “No, this is great. Keep going.”

Castiel rolled his eyes at Gabriel and looked at Dean. “Fine. What is this supposed to mean, Dean?”

“That you’ll be with me, us, for always?”

“I thought that was already established, Dean. We are having a baby in seven months. What are you really asking me?”

“Are you going to make me spell it out? I want us to get married. What do you say?”

“That’s all you had to say, Dean. I was yours the first time I saw you behind your bar, Dean.”

“Is that a ‘yes’ then?”

“Yes, Dean. That is a ‘yes’.”

Dean whooped and pulled Castiel into a heated kiss. “Let’s do it soon. Before Charlie has our next spawn.”

Castiel, eyes misty just nodded. “Evelyn is going to be upset that she missed this.”

“Eh, she chose to go to Disneyland with Charlie instead of hanging out with her dads. She’ll get over it.”

“Don’t worry, I got it all on video,” Gabriel said and looked over at the moderator. “Let’s call this panel to a close and let these two go celebrate, if you catch my drift.”

Dean and Castiel were still kissing when the moderator ended the panel and the room cleared. 

Castiel pulled away and said, “When you quit sending the money back, I figured I had gotten my way and you decided to keep it.”

Dean grinned. “Nope, I just kept it because I knew we would end up here and I would get to call a draw on all this stubbornness. Nobody won, but we both won in the end.”

Castiel smiled and nodded. “Indeed we did.”   
  


**The End**


End file.
